It s so annoying, let s listen to a few jokes!

The wife looked at the dog and shouted, "Fool! The dog is probably trying to tell you that it doesn't know you at all.

Classic joke: good and bad news Doctor: Tell you a bad news and a good news.

Patient: What's the bad news? Doctor:

We're going to have your feet amputated. Patient: And the good news?

Doctor: A patient in the opposite room wants to buy all your shoes.

The day at work is actually short, the computer is turned on and off, and the day has passed.

The computer turned on and off again, and another day passed, howl ?

As soon as the computer is turned off, it won't turn on, and the contract expires again, howl ?

What is the most painful thing about your day at work, you know? It's "off work, the job is not finished yet!" ”

What is the most painful thing about the day at work, you know? It's "I haven't gotten off work yet, and I'm done."

The most painful thing is that I didn't work when I went to work, and I was about to get off work, and I came to live "What is the most painful thing on the day of work, do you know?" It's "I didn't work when I went to work, I didn't work when I got off work, I got home from work, and I called ** to tell you that I came to live."

Geography teacher: Where does the river flow?

One of the students suddenly stood up and sang, "The river flows eastward."

The teacher ignored him: continued: How many stars are there in the sky?

The student still sang: The stars in the sky are in the Beidou

Teacher: You go outside and stand there.

Student: Let's go

Teacher: Are you sick?

Student: You have me, I have everything

Teacher: Say that again?

Student: When the road is uneven, I roared

Teacher: Wait a minute, I'll beat you!

Student: Shoot when it's time to strike

Teacher: I'll let you quit school!

Student: It's all over Kyushu

1. Yesterday I dreamed that God said that copy can fulfill one of my wishes, I took out the globe and said that I wanted world peace, he said it was too difficult to change it, I took out your ** and said that I want this person to be beautiful, he pondered for a while and said take a look at the globe.

2. A woman is ugly, can't get married, and hopes to be trafficked. finally made his dream come true, but he couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnappers sent it back, she resolutely did not get out of the car, and the kidnappers gritted their teeth and stomped their feet: go, the car is gone.

Years ago, Dad hugged you and waited for the car, and everyone laughed at the child's ugly looks, and Dad cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Big brother, don't cry, take a banana and give it to the monkey to eat!" It's pitiful, the hungry are hairless. ”

4. On the plane, a parrot said to the flight attendant: "Give me a glass of water", and the pig also learned from the parrot and said to the flight attendant: "Give me a glass of water", the flight attendant was furious and threw the parrot and the pig off the plane. Then the parrot said to the pig, "Be stupid, you can fly." ”

5. There was an old farmer hoeing in the field, and a crow flew by, pulled shit and fell on the old farmer's face, and the old farmer raised his head and scolded: "Rely on your mother!" I don't know how to wear a pair of pants when I go out! The raven said, "Damn! You're and wearing pants! ”

One day, a hen said to her husband, "Husband! Husband! My stomach hurts, is it a fetal movement, I'm going to give birth again," at this time, the old rooster turned around and said angrily"What fetal movements, you are an egg pain. "

…After doing my homework for a long time, I turned on the radio and a gentle voice came out: "....If the complexion is red and the hairs on the face are delicate and soft, then it means that it is healthy...Hearing this, I couldn't help but touch my face, looked forward to the mirror, and smiled again, looking healthy and cute. At this time, I heard the announcer say:

Okay, listeners, this time our "Pig Raising Knowledge Lecture" is ...... here”

I'll just say that.

When I got up this morning, I lit a cigarette and accidentally burned my wife who was sleeping next to me, and I was very frustrated when I watched my wife leak little by little.

Since I became obsessed with mathematics, I found that my habits had changed, and it took me two hours to go to the toilet, and for 1 hour and 59 minutes I was thinking: should I stand or squat?

Kid paper below the plain joke.

Paid by descendants.

A time-honored restaurant posted a notice at the door, which said: Anyone who eats in this restaurant will have a descendant to pay the fee.

When a customer saw this announcement, he was overjoyed. He was the first to walk into the restaurant and asked for an extremely elaborate meal and a bottle of high-priced whiskey. When he was full of food and was about to get up to leave, the waiter came to settle the bill.

Dissatisfied, he pointed to the announcement and said, "Didn't it say that the fee would be paid by the descendants?" "You are right, sir.

Now you are paying for your great-grandfather's meal. ”

The head teacher of a high school is surnamed Jiang, and his classmates privately call him Lao Jiang. One day, a classmate met their homeroom teacher in the corridor and blurted out: "Old Jiang! It didn't feel right, so I added a "division" to the end. — Teacher Jiang, Old Teacher Jiang (Old Zombie).

Today, I received several anonymous text messages from new student inquiries, and as a senior, I replied carefully to them one by one. Unexpectedly, after a few questions, there was a ...... of "senior, I don't have a boyfriend yet".The old man couldn't figure it out after thinking about it for a long time, so he replied, "I have a boyfriend." The world is quiet again, and my brother can review the birds again....

It is said that once Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei, Sun Quan, and Cao Cao were on the same plane, and suddenly encountered an emergency and needed to parachute to escape. Only then did it turn out that there were only three parachute bags left on board. Everyone was nervous for a while, and then I saw Zhuge Liang shaking his feather fan to clear his throat and say, "Let's do it, the mountain people have a few questions, and if they can answer it, they will parachute, and if they can't answer it, they have to jump down by themselves."

The others had no choice but to agree.

Zhuge Liang shook the feather fan again and asked Liu Bei, "How many suns are there in the sky?" Liu Bei thought about it simply, replied "one", and then took an umbrella bag and went down. Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again, "How many moons are there in the sky", Sun Quan replied, "One", and also took an umbrella and went down.

I had to jump off on my own

I didn't expect to jump into the sea.

Pick up a life. Cao Cao secretly rejoiced.

The second time four people encountered an emergency on the plane, the four of them discussed, yes, it's still the old way. Zhuge Liang shook his feather fan again and asked Liu Bei, "What was the battle in which King Wu of Zhou defeated King Xuan?" Liu Bei thought about it simply, and replied "The Battle of Muye" Zhuge Liang nodded, so Liu Bei took an umbrella bag and went down.

Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again, "How many people died in that battle" Sun Quan thought about it and said, "There are about thirty or forty thousand" Zhuge nodded, Sun Quan took an umbrella bag and went down, Cao Cao couldn't help but snicker, and thought, "Zhuge Liang, Zhuge Liang, I have been through the past and the present, especially in the military, this time you are planted."

Hehe" I saw Zhuge Liang ask, "What are they all called" Cao Cao almost fainted when he heard it, so he had to jump down by himself, but he didn't expect to jump into the sea again to pick up a life. Cao Cao secretly laughed to himself, "MD, Lao Tzu has a big life, see what you Zhuge old man can do to me?!" ”

The third time the same four people took the plane, and the plane encountered an emergency again, Cao Cao thought about it, and the old man Zhuge wanted to fix me again, so I just jumped down and forgot it myself, so as not to be insulted. So he jumped down and descended at high speed in the air. I could only hear Zhuge Liang's laughter above, "Cao Cao, Cao Cao, you are smart, haha, there are four parachutes on the plane today!"

Classmate, you have a kind.

When I was in high school, my classmates in the next class did a wonderful thing.

There was a teacher who taught very badly in their class and he raised his hand:

Teacher, I'm going to hit **.

What do you play during class time? The teacher said displeasedly.

I'm going to call the police! Someone here is cheating money on the podium! ’

The class laughed wildly, and the teacher was so angry that he couldn't speak.

Once, when the professor was having a good time.

I found that someone was sleeping.

He was so angry that he asked his classmates next to him to wake him up.

Unexpectedly, the student said in a very disdainful tone.

It was you who put him to sleep, and you called yourself.'"

A real person next door to my sophomore year of high school.

Person A is sleeping in class.

Discovered by the teacher.

He's hot. Tell A to go to the blackboard to solve the problem.

If you can't write, you're ready to humiliate A in public.

In fact, before A walked to the blackboard, the teacher began to sour him.

It's shameless to have such bad grades and dare to sleep in class.

The head is not placed at home. Only sleep all day.

Unexpectedly. He can actually write. It's also beautifully solved.

The teacher couldn't get off the stage. I had to let him go back to his seat and leave him alone.

Unexpectedly, he actually choked on the teacher.

I'll sleep first.

You'll ask me again if you'll be able to do it later.