What s the joke no? I don t have any jokes, I want to see it

1. Liu Mei: Who was Confucius's teacher?

Liu Xing: Drills, where did Confucius come from without drills?

2. Liu Xing: I solemnly promise!

Xiaoyu: I solemnly don't believe it!

3, Liu Xing: Xiaoyu, do you say that we are Li Chao's good brothers?

Xia Yu: Of course! "Meteor Shower" is about the two of us!

4, Liu Xing said to Xia Xue: When you see the gorilla, you will know how handsome your two younger brothers are!

5. Mother: Hey, I really shouldn't have given birth to you who is ignorant.

Liu Xing: Who wants you to give birth? ? Did you get the consent of the Sakura stall people??

He said that there was a polar bear, because the snow was so dazzling, that he had to wear sunglasses to see things, but he couldn't find the sunglasses, so he crawled around on the ground with his eyes closed, crawling and crawling, crawling and crawling dirty to find sunglasses. I put on my sunglasses and looked in the mirror, and I realized: Oh, it turns out that I am a panda.

The trouser chain is not pulled properly, and you are exposed!

One day they met God while they were shopping! They said to God that they had all died miserably, and they wanted to let them go to heaven! God reluctantly said that there were now too many occupants of heaven and it was full.

But now there is still a spot! Say, whoever dies the worst will go to heaven!

So, the first ghost began to say ......I was a cleaner when I was alive. It's hard work! From morning to night!

One day, I was cleaning glass outside a building! It's the kind of high-altitude dangerous work that hangs outside! On the 30th floor!

Suddenly, my foot slipped and I fell! I thought, it's over! I'm going to die!

But survival instincts keep me scratching unconsciously! Luckily, I grabbed the railing of a balcony, on the 13th floor. I thought, saved!

So I wanted to climb up after I had recovered my strength!

Suddenly, someone grabbed my hand, and I fell down again! I thought, I'm really done now! However, my life should not be decided, there is a tent under me to catch me, I am glad that I must have accumulated virtue in my previous life!

I want to wait for the strength to go down. Unbeknownst to me, a refrigerator fell from above and smashed me to death!

The second ghost said ......I was a clerk when I was alive. Everything is fine, I have a wife and it's beautiful. Great figure!

But it's a bit watery. I have a slight heart condition. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work, so I went home to get it.

As soon as I entered the door, I saw my wife's hair disheveled and her clothes disheveled. There must be adulterers. So I searched all over the house, in the kitchen, in the toilet, but I couldn't find it.

When I got to the balcony, I found two hands on the railing, and I thought: Adulterer! So he took his hand.

I thought, 13th floor! Look at the fall that doesn't kill you!

As a result, when I looked, I didn't die! Caught in the tent! I was in a hurry, so I searched all over the house, went into the kitchen, and found that the refrigerator was big enough, so I threw it down.

Finally stoned him to death! I was so happy! Laughing out loud.

Who knew that the heart muscle was so choked with laughter that he died laughing!

The third ghost said ......I was a thug when I was alive, but I didn't do anything bad! One day I went to a female friend's house and hung out! Just finished running errands, her husband suddenly returned!

I've got to find a place to hide. So I searched for the kitchen and the toilet, and finally found that their refrigerator was quite big, so I hid in the refrigerator! I don't understand how her husband knew I was in the refrigerator, and he actually threw the refrigerator down from the 13th floor!

I just fell to death with a refrigerator!

See the chicken.

Once upon a time, there was a landlord who loved to eat chickens, and the tenant rented his field, but he had to give him a chicken first.

There was a tenant named Zhang San, who went to pay rent to the landlord at the end of the year and tenant the land for the second year. When he went, he put a chicken in a bag, and after paying the rent, he told the landlord about the second year's tenant land, and when the landlord saw that he was empty-handed, he looked to the sky and said, ""There are no three kinds of fields in this field.

Zhang San understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag.

When the landlord saw the chicken, he immediately changed his words and said:"Don't give Zhang San to whom"

Zhang San said:"Your words become so fast! "

The landlord replied"Fang Cai's sentence is'Nonsense'At this moment, this sentence is made by seeing the opportunity (chicken).'."

The ears are here. The newly appointed magistrate is a native of Shandong, and because he wants to hang up his son, he said to his master:"You can buy me two bamboo poles. "

The master put the Shandong accent"Bamboo poles"Listen to it"Pork liver", hurriedly agreed, hurriedly ran to the butcher shop, and said to the shopkeeper:"The new county master wants to buy two pork livers, you are an understanding person, you should know it in your heart! "

The shopkeeper was a clever man, and immediately cut two pork livers and presented another pair of pig ears.

After leaving the butcher's shop, the master thought to himself:"The old man told me to buy pork liver, and of course this pig ear is mine......"So he wrapped the hunting ears and stuffed them in his pockets. Back to the county office, to the county magistrate:"Back to the master, the pork liver has been bought! "

Seeing that the master bought back the pork liver, the magistrate said angrily"Your ears are gone! "When the master heard this, his face turned pale with fright, and he hurriedly replied:"Ear ......Ears ............ hereIn my ......In my pocket! "

Yes"machine"Rideable.

There was a salesman who went on a business trip to Guangzhou, and after arriving in Beijing, because he wanted to go by plane, he sent a telegram to the manager because he was afraid that the manager would not agree to the reimbursement:"There is an opportunity to multiply, multiply it or not"The manager received the telegram and thought it was a deal"machine"It's arrived, and I'll call you back immediately:"Take it as you can. "

When the salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse the travel expenses, the manager did not agree to reimburse the airline ticket because of the stipulation that the plane would not be reimbursed due to the lack of rank. The salesman took out the manager and called back, and the manager was dumbfounded.

Place-names. On the night of New Year's Day, the younger brother took two overseas Chinese students to dinner at home, one was cheerful and the other was more restrained.

During the banquet, the cheerful classmate smiled and pointed to the restrained classmate and introduced us"He's from Burma, so he's shy. "Then he raised his glass to toast everyone, raised his head and drank it all, and then said"I'm from Yangon. "

The principal was furious. At the school council meeting at the end of the semester, the principal was furious at the inefficiency of personnel administration. He said:"ignorance in charge of the director's business; Unconscious personnel in charge of personnel management; As an officer, he is not an officer! "

Meetings in the villages. A township meeting, due to the homonym, the village chief said:"Rabbits, dried shrimps, don't have melons, pickles are too expensive. "(Comrades, villagers, do not speak, now the meeting is open.)

The moderator said:"Pickles please sausage pulp melon. "(Now I give the floor to the village chief.)

Classic slip of the tongue.

An unfamiliar colleague chatted with me, and the content of the conversation was extremely boring, and I only talked about him and his girlfriend.

What's wrong. I'm speechless.