Who has a joke, it s going to be funny, is there a joke? Be funny

There is no soy sauce and no vinegar, so run!

Once upon a time there was a man who had a girlfriend. He loved her more than anyone else in the world, but one day, his girlfriend left him ruthlessly, and didn't even give him a reason. Finally, one day he killed his girlfriend, and he planned to kill herself after killing her.

But when he was about to die, he felt the preciousness of life.

Since then, he has been plagued by nightmares every day, in which his girlfriend has a disheveled hair, a red tongue hanging down to the ground, and ten fingers like hooks to ask for his life. The nightmare tormented him like a bone, and one day he found a Taoist priest who wanted to get rid of it. The Taoist priest asked him to do three things.

First, bury his girlfriend's body properly.

Second, burn the pajamas that his girlfriend was wearing before she died.

Third, wash the bloody clothes that have been hidden.

Everything must be done before the third watch, or there will be a fatal disaster!

He followed the instructions of the Taoist priest and did everything very carefully, but the bloody clothes could not be found. It's about to be the third watch, the beads of sweat dripping down his face and wetting the carpet, and when he is about to go to the third watch, he finds the bloody clothes, but no matter how he rubs it, he can't wash it off.

At this time, suddenly the wind was fierce, and lightning and thunder roared. The windows swayed from side to side as the wind slammed, and the sound of glass shattering made people's hearts beat even more, and suddenly all the lights went out, and the whole room was dark. In the lightning, I saw his girlfriend wearing blood-stained pajamas, with blood dripping from her eyes, and pointed at him with a hideous face and said sharply

Do you know why you can't wash off the bloodstains? He was so stunned that he couldn't say a word, and his girlfriend continued: "Because you didn't use carved laundry detergent, stupid." ”

Xiao Ming's mother took Xiao Ming to be a guest, and the host gave Xiao Ming a piece of German chocolate, and Xiao Ming immediately said to the host: "My mother said, Auntie, you are too stingy to have more than 10 chocolates at home, but you gave me a piece, I am angry, don't!" ”

His mother passed out directly.

A Chinese teacher with a strong dialect read the ancient poem "Wo Chun" to the students, and the Chinese teacher read it aloud as follows;

Wo Chun. The dark plum smells the flowers, and the lying branches are sad and hateful. Hearing who lies in the distance, it is easy to penetrate the spring green.

The shore is green, the shore is green, and the shore is like.

Translucent green. The teacher asked the students to dictate it, and one student wrote;

I have no culture, I have a very low IQ, and if you want to ask me who I am, a big stupid donkey.

I'm a donkey, I'm a donkey, I'm a stupid donkey.

said that once Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei, Sun Quan, and Cao Cao were on the same plane, and suddenly encountered an emergency and needed to parachute to escape. Only then did it turn out that there were only three parachute bags left on board. Everyone was nervous for a while, and then I saw Zhuge Liang shaking his feather fan to clear his throat and say, "Let's do it, the mountain people have a few questions, and if they can answer it, they will parachute, and if they can't answer it, they have to jump down by themselves."

The others had no choice but to agree.

Zhuge Liang shook the feather fan again and asked Liu Bei, "How many suns are there in the sky?" Liu Bei thought about it simply, replied "one", and then took an umbrella bag and went down. Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again, "How many moons are there in the sky", Sun Quan replied, "One", and also took an umbrella and went down.

I had to jump off on my own

I didn't expect to jump into the sea.

Pick up a life. Cao Cao secretly rejoiced in the advertisement.

The second time four people encountered an emergency on the plane, the four of them discussed, yes, it's still the old way. Zhuge Liang shook his feather fan again and asked Liu Bei, "What was the battle in which King Wu of Zhou defeated King Xuan?" Liu Bei thought about it simply, and replied "The Battle of Muye" Zhuge Liang nodded, so Liu Bei took an umbrella bag and went down.

Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again, "How many people died in that battle" Sun Quan thought about it and said, "There are about thirty or forty thousand" Zhuge nodded, Sun Quan took an umbrella bag and went down, Cao Cao couldn't help but snicker, and thought, "Zhuge Liang, Zhuge Liang, I have been through the past and the present, especially in the military, this time you are planted."

Hehe" I saw Zhuge Liang ask, "What are they called" Cao Cao almost fainted when he heard it, so he had to jump off by himself

I didn't expect to jump into the sea again.

Pick up a life. Cao Cao secretly laughed to himself, "MD, Lao Tzu has a big life, see what you Zhuge old man can do to me?!" ”

The third time the same four people took the plane, and the plane encountered an emergency again, Cao Cao thought about it, and the old man Zhuge wanted to fix me again, so I just jumped down and forgot it myself, so as not to be insulted. So he jumped down and descended at high speed in the air. I could only hear Zhuge Liang's laughter above, "Cao Cao, Cao Cao, you are smart, haha, there are four parachutes on the plane today!"

Cao Cao: "Ahh

A letter from Tang Seng to Wukong Dear Wukong:

I've been living in Heavenly Court for a while, I wonder if you're doing well in Huaguo Mountain? I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you can't read quickly. We've moved, but the address hasn't changed, because we brought the house number with us when we moved.

It rained twice this week, the first for 3 days and the second for 4 days.

Yesterday we went to buy pizza and the clerk asked, "Do you want to cut it into 8 or 12 slices?" Your thrifty wife said, "I'm sure I'll cut 8 slices, but I'm afraid I won't be able to eat 12 slices." "The pizza at that restaurant is not bad, and we will go to the restaurant on the street for steak together another day.

And the coat that your Aunt Guanyin said you wanted me to send, because it would be overweight when mailed, so we cut off the buttons and put it in the pocket of that coat.

Your sister Chang'e gave birth in the morning. Because I don't know if it's a man or a woman, I don't know if you're going to be an aunt or an uncle. Nothing has happened lately, I will write to you again. Master.

When I got up early to go to work, I met a buddy on the road and ran by in a hurry. Greet him: "What are you doing?"

He replied, "Walk the dog." In a few minutes, the buddy hurried back from the side.

Ask him, "What's wrong?" The buddy said calmly

Forgot to bring the dog. ”

The first class was an English class, and according to the convention, because I couldn't understand it, I slept secretly until the end of class every time. And because I sat in the last row, behind me was the back door of the classroom, and every time I got out of class, it was my table mate who woke me up to soak up the sun. Unfortunately today, the teacher called me a problem for the first time, and I was woken up by my tablemates in my sleep, thinking that class was over, so I got up and opened the back door and walked out of the classroom.

Three minutes later, I felt something strange outside the classroom, and I hurried back to the classroom, only to see all the teachers and students in horror. The teacher couldn't hold back her anger, she repeated the question, but I couldn't say anything in a daze, and after about a minute and ten seconds of standing like that, the teacher said impatiently, "Will you?"

It won't squeak too! So I was angry and said loudly, "Squeak."

The teacher fainted on the spot.

One day on a crowded bus, a pregnant woman standing in front of him said to a man sitting next to him: Don't you know I'm pregnant? (I want him to give up his seat.) I saw that the man was very nervous and said: The child is not mine! 』

Yesterday, I saw a Japanese man wearing clothes!!

Mage, Mage, Mage, Doctor.

1.A, B, and C traveled together, and A caught a cold ......

At night, everyone sleeps in the same bed, and A sleeps in the middle.

In the middle of the night....A had a big snort, and B and C had crystals all over their face.

B C: Notify us next time ......

Half an hour passed.

A: Attention...

Hearing this, B C hurriedly got into the quilt and made sure that there was no communication with the outside world....Then A farts.

2.One day, a man went to the toilet to chop his strips.

Because there is a toilet in the public toilet, the toilet lid is very tight, and it can't be opened......The man couldn't hold it anymore, so he took a dip on the toilet lid...

Finally, I saw a button next to the toilet, and the man saw it. I just pressed it.

As a result, the toilet lid "banged" open, and the jumped to the ceiling, and the man saw that something was wrong and quickly called a cleaner.

Say. You get the off the ceiling, I'll give you 200 yuan.

The cleaner said, I'll give you 800 yuan and tell me how to get it......This one seems to be a bit heavy.。。。

1.The principal and the English teacher visited a middle school in France together, the principal spoke in the auditorium, and the English teacher acted as an interpreter.

In the evening, I took my son to the supermarket with his grandparents. Passing by the intersection, a middle-aged man was burning paper money, still muttering quietly.

The son asked, "Mom, why do you burn paper money?" ”

The son nodded in understanding, and then said, "Grandpa, grandma, if you die, I will also burn paper money for you." ”

The grandparents were dizzy, and after a while, they reacted with a sentence: "Then we thank you first." ”

A wanted to do business, so he borrowed 10,000 yuan from B, and B agreed, but he said to A, "You will pay me back 20,000 yuan next spring and mortgage the house to me." A agreed.

B said, "Well, it's a bit difficult for you to earn 20,000 yuan in a year, or you should pay back 10,000 yuan first, and then 10,000 yuan next year." When A heard this, he felt that it made sense, so he returned the 10,000 yuan that B had just lent him, and said:

I still owe you 10,000 yuan. ”~

One day, a village chief spoke on the stage, and he said impassionedly: "Rabbits, dried shrimp, pickles are too expensive, don't have pickles, want pig's trotters!" The interpreter next to him said calmly: "Comrades, folks, now have a meeting, don't speak, pay attention!" ”

The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly rejected it, and the spider asked: Why? Here's why! Butterfly said: My mother said that people who mix online all day long are not good people

In an exam, the teacher distributed the test papers unevenly, and a female classmate did not get the test papers, and after a few seconds, she took a test paper and stood up and replied: "I have it, I have it!" I only heard her voice A male classmate next to her said calmly

It's mine. The class was silent. There was also a "talented man" next to the male classmate who was in a "high spirit" mood and said:

It's not yours, it's mine. Don't believe you ask her! Unable to hold back any longer, the class burst into obscene laughter.

I hope you understand) (don't understand and ask).

One day, Cao Cao and Liu Bei cooked wine and talked about heroes. Outside, there were dark clouds, lightning and thunder, wind and rain. The two drank a few glasses, and Liu Bei suddenly let out a fart, very embarrassed.

Liu Bei was embarrassed, only to hear Guan Yu behind him say calmly: "Don't be surprised, the fart comes from the feather (rain)!" ”

As soon as Guan Yu's voice fell, Zhao Yun on the side took a step forward and said, "Don't be surprised, farts come from the clouds!" ”

As soon as Zhao Yun finished speaking, Zhang Fei, who had a loud voice, then shouted: "The fart is flying!" ”

Everyone burst into laughter. Liu Bei has also returned to normal.

Cao Cao didn't laugh, he was deeply touched by this matter. After sending Liu Bei and the others away, Cao Cao said to his subordinates: "Liu Bei's subordinates, when they saw that the lord had a mistake, they all rushed to take responsibility and make up for their mistakes, which can really be described as loyal. If it's your turn, will it be possible? ”

Everyone was indignant and said in unison: "Prime Minister, isn't it just a, what's so difficult about this!" You'll see next time. ”

A few days later, Cao Cao invited Liu Bei to drink again, and during the banquet he wanted to fart to see how his subordinates reacted. After holding it for a long time, I finally held back a little fart. Everyone had been waiting for a long time, and when they heard the sound of "goo", the general Xu Chu was anxious, and hurriedly shouted first:

The fart was put by Chu (pig)! ”

Wang Lang followed closely and said: "The fart was put by Lang (wolf)!" ”

Gou An said: This is Gou (dog) fart.

Cai Mao said: This is a Mao (cat) fart.

Cao Cao's eyes widened when he heard this, and the others thought that Cao Cao thought he was slow, so they rushed to him.

Niu Jin said: "This is a golden fart!" ”

Xun Yu said: "This is Yu (jade) fart!" ”

Cao Hong said: "The fart is Hong (red)!" ”

Gao Ran said: "The fart is Lan (blue)!" ”

Jiang Gan said: "The fart is dry!" ”

Sima Shi said: "The fart is Shi (wet)!" ”

Xiahou Yuan said: "The fart is Yuan (round)!" ”

Cao Fang said: "The fart is square! ”

He is worthy of being my No. 1 military advisor. Cao Cao thought secretly. Let's hear what he has to say.

I only heard Guo Jia say: "This is Jia (fake) fart!" ”

Cao Zhen grabbed again: "This is a real fart!" ”

Guo Huai said: "This is Huai (bad) fart!" ”

Zhang He said: "The fart is (drinking)!" ”

Sima Yan said: "The fart is Yan (pharyngeal)!" ”

Xu Huang said: "The fart is dangling!" ”

Xiahou Dun said: "The fart is Dun (jumping)!" ”

Guo Tu said: "The fart is (spit out)!"

Xiahou Ba said: "The fart is out of the tyrant".

Xun You said: "The fart is from You! ”

Full pet said: "The fart is a pet (rush)!" ”

Jiang Ji said: "The fart is squeezed (squeezed)!" ”

Zhong Xuan said: "The fart is from the fart (shake)!" ”

Finally, Cao Cao couldn't hold back any longer, and said angrily: "Nonsense, farts are out." ”

Liu Bei and the others were already smiling.

126 jokes and encyclopedia of troubles are all good.