What is it like to have a phobia of marriage?

Having a marriage can feel even more insecure because you will find that you need to rely on the coexistence of another person to get your stability, and that person is not under your control, which is terrible.

I've always been comfortable, I really want to get married and have children, and I can't stand the rules and regulations as a family woman. When you are unmarried, you can go clubbing, you can smoke, you can sleep as many nights as you want, you can be vague with netizens of the opposite sex, and you can call a group of friends to come to the house to party ......After getting married, I don't feel so comfortable, I have to take care of my husband's mood, and I have to care about my mother-in-law's face.

The only thought I had was that I didn't want to get married, I didn't want to put myself in a place that I couldn't control, I felt unfree and imprisoned.

In the past, because of the fear of marriage, I was irritable, quick-tempered, and angry, and sometimes I would be silent and unwilling to talk more, which would affect my work and life, so I had no choice but to do psychological counseling.

thinks that marriage is the grave of love, and when you enter marriage, there will be no enthusiasm and sweetness, only endless trivialities and troubles, and if you don't get married, you won't have so much trouble.

When I get older, I am used to seeing the unhappy marriages of my friends around me, and I have a fearful attitude towards marriage, thinking that all men in the world are bad people.

When I thought that I would have to live under the same roof with my father-in-law and mother-in-law in the future, and everyone's habits would be exposed, and conflicts between them would be inevitable, I felt that marriage was wrong.

We crave relationships, but we also dread relationships because once we have them, we become dependent, and dependence means a loss of self-control and is unsettling.

I have seen a lot of examples of marriage failures on the ***, and I always feel that marriage is terrible, I don't want to get married, and I unconsciously regard myself as those women who are unhappy in marriage, and I am afraid that I will not be happy after marriage, and I will burst with negative energy when I think of married life.

Because my mother was so good to me, I was afraid of marriage, worried that my wife would not be as good to me as my mother in the future, and when I thought of this, I was full of disappointment in marriage.

"Marital phobia" is a long-term, abnormal, and unrealistic fear of marriage or intimacy.

As for why there is a fear of marriage, there are the following psychological reasons:

1) Trauma in childhood.

Every kind of constant intimidation can be found in the final analysis, in the past, in childhood.

It is generally believed in modern science that fear of a thing can be traced back to external trauma and internal heredity.

The reason why marriage-phobes are full of fear of marriage is probably because most of them have been hurt by their parents and family in childhood, and they are extremely unconfident in marriage and do not believe in love.

Marriage-phobic people often say that they are emotionally traumatized or have the shadow of their parents' marriage breaking down.

Therefore, many people are afraid that they will have the same experience as their original family in marriage. Therefore, the fear of contact with the opposite sex and the fear of establishing intimate relationships is actually a manifestation of insecurity and fear of abandonment.

2) Don't dare to face responsibility.

Many people have been single for a long time, feel free, do not get married, have no children, and have no constraints.

In fact, it's not that they really hate marriage, it's just that there are too many unknown variables hidden in marriage, which they really can't accept and passively change.

What's more, it's easy to fall in love and difficult to get married, there are no economic conditions, few people dare to get married, the pressure is too great, it's too scary.

In the traditional ideology of the Chinese people, marriage is to perpetuate hope and pass on the lineage. There are only melons and seeds, and there are no children and melons, and the overwhelming response to married life has discouraged many people.

All of this is really just two words: "escape".

People who dare not get married because they are afraid or avoid it have also become part of the army of marriage-phobia, simply because they do not want to take responsibility for themselves.

In the end, they may not be able to withstand the strong demands of their relatives and find someone to marry hastily, but most of those marriages end in unhappiness.

3) Fear that there is no love in the marriage.

Would you choose a relationshipless marriage?

I'm sure many people's answer is no!

A marriage without love is even hard to speak, and getting along without feelings is a dream along with a bed.

It is always said that marriage is the grave of love. This quote also serves as a reason for an ideal lover to refuse to marry in pursuit of true love.

How easy it is to fall in love! The happiness of the two people is pure and beautiful, not mixed with all kinds of trivial things in life, and it does not involve the details between the two families. It's just that two people have come together because of feelings and hormones.

But this is not a fear of marriage, it is a fear of growing up.

Marital phobia is related to many factors. As the marriage date approaches, fear, anxiety, or maximizing the conflict of marriage reflect the fear of marriage. Most of the time, it is related to personal experience and family background, and it is a person's refraction of the family's thoughts and emotions.

If his parents are divorced, then he has been in this kind of divorced family for a long time, or a single-parent family, and if he loses one of his parents, he will be anxious about the stability and security of the family, and he will not have so much confidence in his marriage, and he will feel that he lacks security, and he will have this kind of marriage phobia. For patients with this kind of marital phobia, we take the form of psychological counseling. It is generally recommended that he communicate and communicate actively with his spouse and let go of excessive fear and anxiety about the prospects of marriage.

Although the divorce rate is particularly high now, marriages need to support each other and manage each other. Marriage lies in management, and after it is created, it is necessary to add bricks and tiles, and water the gaps with the cement of love and the mud of love, so that the small crystallization of love will open up and make the marriage more sustainable and healthy for a long time.

There are usually several factors that contribute to marital fear.

The first is caused by factors related to family relationships. Such factors are mainly due to the divorce of parents, or the poor living conditions of parents, which have left a shadow on their childhood, forming a fear and sensitivity to life.

The second is the frustration of emotional experience. Such a factor is usually due to the fact that I did not handle and grasp the previous relationship well.

Third, the influence of surrounding environmental factors. Before everyone enters marriage, they are affected by the life concept of the people around them, and then they become the standard of their own life in the future, when the surrounding environment is full of bad feelings and marriages, full of bad thoughts and life attitudes, they will fear that they will encounter the same thing in the future.

Fourth, a relationship is not yet mature. Such factors are usually that a relationship has just started and has not yet really understood each other comprehensively, but it is subject to the pressure of age and relatives around you, resulting in the choice of entering marriage when the relationship is not mature.

Expert tip: The cause of marital phobia may be because of the unhappiness of one's original family and the disharmony of the relationship between parents, which causes psychological shadows; Have had a failed emotional experience; Influenced by the perception of the destruction of the lives of those around them; A relationship has not yet reached the stage of maturity before entering the choice of marriage. It is recommended that patients look at examples of family happiness and change their perception of marriage.