Why do we set rules for our children, but they don t work?

In ordinary life, I believe that every parent hopes that their children can grow up healthy and happy, and every parent hopes that their children can become better. Life is often the opposite, children are always very different from their own imagination, and parents have come up with a lot of corresponding solutions to this, but they are very unsatisfactory. Seeing that the children are becoming more and more naughty, parents are also very anxious, why do the solutions I didn't expect always work?

In fact, the final problem still comes from oneself, and you must learn to reflect well.

If the children in the family are disobedient, the parents want to set rules for their children, but the rules always don't work, why is this? Today, I will share with you my personal experience, I believe it will be helpful to you:

First, we must learn to self-reflect.

There is a saying that "the upper beam is not right and the lower beam is crooked", so most of the reasons for children's disobedience still come from their parents. If you come up with a solution that doesn't work for your child, then you must learn to self-reflect, is there something you don't do well enough?

We must know how to set an example for our children, and I believe that this will be a subtle education for children, and I believe that children will become more and more obedient in the near future.

2. Try a different approach.

In fact, the method of setting rules for children is not particularly good, and rules are just words for children, so you must consider it from the perspective of children when thinking of a way. If you want your child to be more obedient, you need to give your child what he wants. Develop some clear reward and punishment systems for the family, learn to sincerely encourage and motivate the child, and give the child more confidence, which will not only make the child more and more obedient, but also contribute to the healthy growth of the child.

Because we didn't follow those rules ourselves, when we got home from work, we started watching TV and playing on our phones, but we asked our children to study, and the children would feel that they were tired after a day of classes, and they could take a break. Therefore, only when we read books by ourselves can we teach children to read books.

Because when the child is crying, the adult will be soft-hearted, and always feel that this is too strict with the child, and gradually the rules will be changed by the parents, and it will not work in the future.

Because children will eventually grow themselves, when children have a strong sense of independence, the rules of parents, especially those that children don't like, then children will most likely not obey.

When parents make rules, they set many rules for their children without serious thinking, but not every one of these rules is applicable to children, and many rules that are not suitable for children will definitely be eliminated.

Therefore, when parents make rules, they must pay attention to the rules can not be too much, many rules often hinder the growth of children, and they cannot get any value for children, but parents will also feel angry because their children break the rules.

Some parents are making rules and getting rid of them at the same time, and they don't have the effect of taking the lead. When a child sees that his parents have already broken away from the rules, he will feel that he can also get rid of the rules. If parents set a rule for their children to wash their hands before eating, and parents do not follow this rule, then children will question why parents do not wash and disinfect their hands before eating.

When parents make rules for their children, if the children accidentally make a mistake, and the parents educate the children again and again, the children will have a rebellious mentality. In a certain matter, the more you talk about it, the worse the child will behave, and the child will feel that this rule is made for her, and will be even more reluctant to follow this rule.

Establishing rules is a whole process of practice, in such a process, not only parents are the protagonists, children are part of it, he is still part of the rules, in a fair position should be negotiated with the child, so that the child will also get more attention, that he is also quite following the rules.

Parents must do what they say, be sensitive and studious, and the rules that have been established with their children must be resolutely implemented, and parents should not destroy the rules intentionally or unintentionally because their children are too young and do not understand some truths, which not only does not set a good example for children, but will make children feel that the rules can be shaken off.

1. Parents did not set an example and let their children learn from each other.

Second, parents are intermittent education, think of it, pick it up high, put it down gently, and the child does not recognize the problem.

When parents educate their children, they do not consider the problem from the perspective of the child, and after setting rules for the child, they do not implement them well, which leads to the child becoming more and more naughty and never has a sense of rules.

It can't be carried out to the end. There is also the fact that after setting up rules for children, we parents cannot implement them well in ordinary life.

Don't let children touch some things casually, don't let children infringe on the interests of others, don't let children move other people's belongings without the consent of others, these ways of educating children should pay attention to the discipline of children, and also pay attention to establishing the correct three views on children.

It's easy to say when you set rules for your child, but it's more difficult to do, so you should ask for your child's consent after setting rules for your child, and parents should not be soft-hearted after your child makes a mistake.

Parents should set an example for their children, and the opinions of the two adults should be unified.

After the child reaches a certain age, parents must set rules for their children, as the so-called no rules are not a circle, and the rules for children are the rules that let children understand and be a popular person, so parents must set seven rules for their children.

1. Without permission, other people's things are not allowed to be taken indiscriminately.

This is upbringing) 2. Absolutely do not swear and do any ** behavior.

This is quality) 3. When you meet an elder or teacher, you must greet them politely first.

This is etiquette) 4. When communicating with others, do not interrupt others.

This is respect) 5. Be good at apologizing for your mistakes and wrong behavior.

This is responsible) 6. The things that have been used and the books that have been read must be put back in their original places.

This is a habit) 7. Have at least one sports hobby, and exercise is indispensable.

It's health).

Now many parents will find that many children lack education, parents set rules for their children, but children are unwilling to accept it, what should I do? First of all, parents should clearly understand that rules are used to restrain children, empathy, if the leader formulates a series of rules and regulations for you, can you? Of course, I am not happy, but because today's children are held in the palm of their hands and have more personality, it is difficult to take the initiative to accept the rules of their parents.

This requires parents to establish in the hearts of their children; Parental authority! "。

<> think about it back then, what my parents said was what they wanted to say. Because the child is a minor, he can't tell right from wrong, and he judges things according to his preferences, so parents have to make decisions for him. Secondly, it is not afraid to set rules for children, but it is necessary for him to understand why and for whom.

You can start with external honors, such as being an excellent elementary school student, and slowly induce them. Finally, with the help of the teacher's mouth to set the rules, parents will find that they say a hundred words, not as good as the teacher's words, because the child has sex, so it is better for parents to ask the teacher to help request, which requires parents to establish a good relationship with the child's teacher, and someone will participate in your family education.

In daily life, children will inevitably be attracted to activities or things that they are interested in, and it is often difficult for adults to ask children to immediately turn their attention to other aspects. The point is, face-to-face conversations are a great way to do it. Jia Chunchen uses this method to let children know that the next thing is important through the expressions, eyes, tone, and actions of adults, and it must be implemented immediately and cannot be delayed.

Only in this way can the child perceive the urgency of the matter, the seriousness of the parents, and put it into action.

Do a detailed interpretation of the problem, I hope it will help you, if you have any questions, you can leave me a message in the comment area, you can comment with me more, if there is something wrong, you can also interact with me more, if you like the author, you can also follow me, your like is the biggest help to me, thank you.

You should make an appointment with your child about the three chapters of the law, and when you give your child a smile on the rules, you should also give your child some rewards, and parents should also abide by these rules, so that your child will not resist when you touch your shirt.

Communicate with your child on an equal footing, and you can discuss the rules with your child so that your child has the right to participate, or take the opportunity to make rules when your child makes a mistake.

Establish rules for children through negotiation, so that children can understand the knowledge of rules, learn to empathize, and establish rules from the perspective of children.

At home, some house rules should be formulated, so that children can become very good, and they will become very self-disciplined, and they will not let children resist and will abide by them.

Do you want to know how to set rules for your child? As the saying goes, no rules are not a circle, we have to pay attention to the rules no matter where we are, it is very important for children to understand the rules, as a parent is necessary to set rules for children, below I have sorted out the content of rules for children, let's take a look.

1. When setting rules for children, the signal should be clear

For example, if the green light is on, it means that you can walk; When the red light is on, it means you can stop. When making rules, be sure to clearly tell your child what the consequences will be if you don't follow the rules, and this consequence should preferably be related to your child's vital interests.

2. Don't label your child lightly

If adults always say to children, "You were born to trouble me." Then let the child feel that he is a bad child, and gradually the child will lose confidence.

Therefore, if the child does something wrong, then we must guide the child for one thing, and do not expand the matter.

3. The punishment must be timely

Children's long-term memory is relatively poor, and things in the morning may be forgotten in the evening. Therefore, if the child eats and grinds time, the mother must tell the child when she gets up: 30 minutes must be finished, otherwise it will be taken away.

Remind your child how much time he has left in the middle of the meal, add some extra conditions, and give your child a reward for eating on time.

4. The rules for children must be simple and easy to understand

Children's comprehension is actually very poor, self-control is not particularly strong, if the rules set are particularly complicated, not only the child can not accept, but will make the child confused. It is necessary to explain the reason clearly, instead of simply and rudely ordering the child, and do not think that the child is too young to understand anything. Although your child may not understand the reasoning you say, if you respect his attitude, he will believe in your interpretation and obey your request.

The principle of equality for all should also be observed. Let children have a stable mentality to accept the rules of their parents, and everyone can better implement the rules of equality.

Parents should lead by example. No one is above the system, and the rules of the family also work for all family members. Parents are the first teachers of their children and role models for their children.

More rules are not always better. Principled rules must be established, and the rules that can be established or not must be established to give children flexibility, give children some free space, and not all of them can stifle children's nature, and be independent and have the imagination and creativity that children should have. The children raised in this way are well-rounded children.

Establish rules as soon as possible. Two-year-olds are already developing the ability to think independently, so it's a good idea to start setting rules for your child at this time. This will allow him to avoid making some mistakes from the start.

Don't be too strict with your child's rules. Being too strict will scare the child, so you should use some more interesting forms, such as playing house with the child, and then guide him correctly. Proper guidance from parents is crucial.

How should parents deal with the problem of making rules, but children do not follow the rules? First of all, let's recall, the agreement with the child, the things that adults need to do, have you done? If the adult himself does not fulfill what he promised, the child will also follow the example and refuse to carry out the promise.

Secondly, we need to confirm whether this agreement is suitable for the child's age, and if it is beyond the child's ability, then the agreement is invalid. Then, we need to make sure that this convention is specifically enforceable, not vague and unaware of how to enforce it. Finally, we need to specify the time of this agreement.

Be clear about when this agreement will be completed.

Then we can sort out how parents can finalize an agreement with their children. Discuss your child's feelings and needs; Discuss the feelings and needs of adults; Let's talk about it together and find a solution that is acceptable to all. Pick out which recommendations to implement and which ones can't.

Track execution. When discussing, don't easily deny your child's thoughts and needs, and don't allow your child to deny your own thoughts and needs, and ultimately seek common ground. The core of this problem is the question of how to implement the executive power, especially for minors, especially for young children, he (she) does not know how important the executive power is to a person's life, so first of all, as all the adult members of the family usually talk and do things to talk about, do not let off empty cannons!

There is a saying that the power of example is endless! The mind of early childhood people is a blank slate, and their cognition is mainly influenced by the words and deeds of family members. The environment affects them the most.

If families, kindergartens, primary schools and other groups have a complete set of rules of words and deeds, from the strength of the restriction has a strong restrictive force, members consciously pursue, and form a word must be believed, believe must be done, the action must be fruitful environmental atmosphere, the children do not consciously implement the rules that should be observed, to resolutely force them unconditionally must be implemented, form a habit, over time, can be a good solution to the problem of children's execution!