Ask for boiling jokes, ask for 100 bad jokes

How much is a bowl of dumplings.

Lao Dong is a native of Henan, came to the south for breakfast, and said to the waiter: "How much is a bowl of dumplings (sleeping)?"

The waiter was upset and said, "No." Only steamed buns. ”

Lao Dong said: "Oh, the bun (touch) is fine." ”

The waiter was extremely annoyed and scolded, "Hooligans! ”

Lao Dong was extremely surprised and said, "Liumao? It's so cheap! ”

What I saw on the Internet, very old, maybe you have also seen it, but very.

A hundred ultra-cold jokes that can chill people's o(o

1: Once upon a time, there was a man fishing and caught a squid.

The mouse says to the horse, "I dated a cat" and the riddle: potato chips (rat trick).

One day, the teacher walked into the class, and the students stood up and shouted, "Good morning, teacher!" ”

The teacher said indignantly, "Just good morning? What about my afternoon? Isn't it bad? ”

Then the students shouted in unison: "Good afternoon, teacher!" ”

The teacher said indignantly, "What about me at night? ”

The students shouted in unison: "Teacher, it's okay at night!" ”

The teacher nodded and said, "That's it, now shout again!" ”

The students shouted in unison: "Good morning, good afternoon, good afternoon, good evening, teacher!" ”

The teacher said, "Sit down!" Today we're going to review antonyms, and we're going to practice like this, and I'm going to say, you say the antonyms out loud. Start now. ”

Teacher: "The weather is fine today. ”

Student: "It's a bad day. ”

Teacher: "It's sunny everywhere. ”

Student: "It's cloudy everywhere. ”

Teacher: "The road is crowded. ”

Student: "The road is empty. ”

Teacher: "Young. ”

Student: "Old. ”

Teacher: "Stand." ”

Student: "Lie down".

Teacher: "There was a young man standing on the road. ”

Student: "There's an old man lying down on the road. ”

Teacher: "I picked up a dollar." ”

Student: "I lost a dollar." ”

Teacher: "I picked up a dollar and gave it to the teacher." ”

Student: "I lost a dollar and went to steal the teacher." ”

Teacher: "Wrong, you can't say that!" ”

Student: "That's right, that's what you should say!" ”

Teacher: "Wrong. ”

Student: "Correct. ”

Teacher: "It's not okay, it's illegal!" ”

Student: "That's okay, it's legal!" ”

Teacher: "I said it wrong. ”

Student: "We're right. ”

Teacher: "Listen to the teacher, what the teacher said is correct!" ”

Student: "Listen to us, what the teacher says is wrong!" ”

Teacher: "You are stupid. ”

Student: "We're smart. ”

Teacher: "Stop! ”

Student: "Go ahead!" ”

Teacher: "Stop now!" Stop it! ”

Student: "Let's move on now!" And more! ”

Teacher: "You stupid pigs, I said stop!" ”

Student: "We're all geniuses, we say go ahead!" ”

Teacher: "Listen to the teacher!" ”

Student: "Teacher listens to us!" ”

Teacher: "Students have to listen to the teacher!" ”

Student: "Teachers have to listen to students!" ”

Teacher: "Now stop practicing!" ”

Student: "Now let's get back to the practice!" ”

Teacher: "Are you all endless?" ”

Student: "We have a beginning and an end!" ”

Teacher: "Then you stop!" Stupid pig! ”

Student: "Then let's move on!" Talented! ”

..After that, the teacher angrily walked out of the classroom with the book in his arms.

Of course it's normal, why should a man tell a woman about something.

A person is rich, but stingy. Once, when he was seriously ill, the doctor prescribed medicine and said that he wanted to use ginseng, and he said, "I can't afford to buy ginseng, so I'll leave it to my fate."

The doctor changed his words and said, "Then you can use cooked land." He still shook his head

Cooked land is also very expensive, I can't afford it, and I'm dead. The doctor really couldn't help this guy who wanted money and didn't want to die, so he said casually: "There is another recipe, use dry dog shit to mix brown sugar with one or two punches, and you can also cure your disease."

When the man heard this, he jumped up and asked urgently: "Is it okay to just use shit without sugar?" ”

There was a fat man who got on the plane and found that it was actually a parrot in the same seat. But now it's the Internet era, and there are all kinds of strange things, and I don't think it's strange. I was a little thirsty, so I asked the stewardess for a glass of water, but the lady was very busy all the time and didn't have time to deliver water for a long time.

At this time, the parrot next to him spoke: I x your uncle's! Are you looking for a smoke!

Why hasn't the xo I asked for delivered yet! The stewardess immediately sent XO upside down, and she didn't pay for it one by one. The fat man looked, oh, so they ate this.

So he also shouted loudly: x your grandma's! Are you looking for a fan!

Why hasn't the water I asked for yet arrived! The stewardess also arrived immediately, but this time she was followed by two big men. The two of them fought and threw the fat man out.

The fat man couldn't figure out how his face was not as good as a parrot in mid-air? At this moment, the hatch opened, and the parrot was thrown out. The parrot flew to the fat man and said:

Stupid x, you dare to be so bullish x without wings?!

There was a matchstick, and while walking, I suddenly felt that my head was very itchy, so I scratched it, and I used too much force to catch fire.

I went to the hospital for first aid, and when I came out, it turned into a cotton swab.

3. I didn't buy vegetables yesterday, my husband had a meal, I didn't want to cook, I wanted to be lazy and go back to my parents' house to eat.

I went home happily, but my mother was happier than me, and when she saw me, she said, "Daughter, you came back just in time, there are a few guests at home, you can make dinner, and I will talk with the guests for a while." ”

We sat tall next to the ashes and listened to my mother talk about the bones of the past.

A father wants his daughter to be successful. Once, the daughter said to her father: I am in the newspaper! My father said happily, "Let me see." My daughter said, "I'm standing in the newspaper, so I'm not going to be in the newspaper." Daddy faints.

A robber turns over in prison and learns a big and amazing secret:

Robbers usually only commit crimes at night, but doctors rob money around the clock;

The robbers come and go in the wind and rain, and the doctors are warm in winter and cool in summer, and the environment is elegant;

You give money to robbers to live, you give money to doctors to live;

A robber can only rob you of your wealth, but a doctor can rob you of your life's savings;

A robber will only force you to pay money, but a doctor can force you to borrow money;

If you encounter a robber committing a crime, you can destroy your fortune and eliminate disasters, but you encounter a doctor who robs money but has to go bankrupt;

The robbers are frightened and cautious when they commit crimes, and the doctors are bold and unscrupulous when they rob money;

The robbers are afraid that you will be outnumbered, and the doctors and even the police will rob you;

If you are robbed by a robber, you can call the police, but if you are robbed by a doctor, you can only accept your fate;

robbers dress themselves up as devils when they commit crimes, and doctors disguise themselves as angels when they rob money;

The robber robbed you of your money and he ran away, and the doctor robbed you of your money and you got out;

Robbers who rob too much money are called huge amounts of money and are shot, and doctors who rob too much money are said to have made outstanding contributions and are commended;

You kill a robber in self-defense, and you kill a doctor in a crime;

Doctors may not be robbed by robbers in their lifetime, and robbers will definitely be robbed by doctors in their lifetime;

A doctor must have been a robber in his last life, and a robber must want to be a doctor in his next life.