150 jokes about exams, who can tell a joke about exams?

1.When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me what year I graduated. I was going to say the year 2000, but I was excited and said, "Two thousand years ago... What's even more sweaty is that the examiner actually sighed and said, "Confucius's students." ”

2.In the past, the exam teacher handed out the papers, and the girl in the back took an extra one and shouted"Teacher, I have, I have"As a result, the boy sitting next to him said"It's mine, it's mine"

3.A colleague of ours, when he went to get a driver's license, said a classic sentence to the examiner: Report the meter, the examiner is normal.

4.I'm going to take the calculus test tomorrow, so I tell my parents that I love them, and thank you for years of parenting. Take a good shower and finish with a round of Pro Evolution Soccer.

Eat a lot of snacks in the dormitory, and share those that you can't eat with your roommates. Donate clothes if you can. Say sorry to those who feel ashamed.

Send a goodnight message to each friend before going to bed, and then confess to the girl you have a crush. After turning off the phone, I lay quietly under the covers and told myself, I love the world....

I said to my high math teacher, "How many points you give me, how many years I wish you to live." The high math teacher looked at me and said, "I'm in my 60s this year, so I'll give you 59 points." So, I hung up on .......

If a student fails an exam, they can't really be blamed for the following reasons:

1. Saturdays and Sundays: There are 52 Sundays in a year, there are 52 * 2 = 104 days of rest days, deducting these days, there are only 261 days left in a year.

2. Winter and summer vacations; There are about two months of the year that are either very hot or very cold, so there are only 201 days left in the year after deducting the 60 days of winter and summer vacations.

3. The statutory holidays of the year account for 10 days, and there are only 191 days left in the year after deduction, 4. Sleeping 8 hours a day accounts for 122 days of a year, and only 69 days are left after deduction.

5. The time for eating, snaking, and eating fruits for one and a half hours a day accounts for 23 days, and if you continue to deduct it like this, there are only 46 days left in a year.

6. 1 hour of game time per day accounts for 15 days of a year, and there are only 31 days left in a year after deduction.

7. 1 hour of communication time a day, standing for 15 days a year, and only 16 days left in a year after deduction.

8. Going to the movies, shopping or some other activities accounts for 10 days in a year, and there are 6 days left in the year after deduction.

9. It is estimated that if you are sick for 5 days a year, then there is only 1 day left in a year.

10. It's this day, or my birthday.

Excuse me, with so little time to study, how can students pass the exam? So you can't blame us

The son skillfully copes with failing the exam.

I'm Sorry] Dad: What is the score on the math test?

Son: I'm sorry, Dad, I only got a 59.

Dad is angry: If you still fail tomorrow's Chinese exam, don't call me Dad!

The next day, the son returned home with his head down.

Dad: What is the score of the Chinese test?

Son: I'm sorry, sir.

Regardless of three, seven, twenty-one].

Teacher: "Your score in yesterday's math test was too low, like how much is three times seven, it's easy, how do you write fifteen?" ”

Student: "I don't know the multiplication table by heart, and I think that it is better to write a fifteen than to write it without paying attention to three, seven, twenty-one, and one." ”

The whole semester is all deserted, I am heartbroken when I am approaching the exam, I haven't slept for a week, I am all back before the exam, I collapse when I approach the examination room, I cry when I get the papers, I don't take any of the things I know, I don't know what I can test.

One day, the teacher walked into the class, and the students stood up and shouted, "Good morning, teacher!" The teacher said indignantly

Just good morning? What about my afternoon? Isn't it bad?

Then the students shouted in unison: "Good afternoon, teacher!" The teacher said indignantly

And what about me at night? The students shouted in unison, "Teacher, it's okay at night!"

The teacher nodded and said, "That's it, now shout again!" The students shouted in unison

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, teacher! The teacher said, "Sit down!"

Today we're going to review antonyms, and we're going to practice like this, and I'm going to say, you say the antonyms out loud. Start now. Teacher:

The weather is good today. Student: "It's bad weather today.

Teacher: "It's sunny everywhere. Student:

There were clouds everywhere. Teacher: "The road is crowded with people.

Student: "The road is empty. Teacher:

Young. Student: "Old."

Teacher: "Stand." Student:

Lie down. Teacher: "There was a young man standing on the road.

Student: "There's an old man lying down on the road. Teacher:

I picked up a dollar. Student: "I lost a dollar."

Teacher: "I picked up a dollar and gave it to the teacher." Student:

I lost a dollar and went to steal the teacher. Teacher: "Wrong, you can't say that!"

Student: "That's right, that's what you should say!" Teacher:

Mistake. Student: "Correct."

Teacher: "It's not okay, it's illegal!" Student:

It's okay, it's legal! Teacher: "I said it wrong.

Student: "We're right. Teacher:

Listen to the teacher, what the teacher says is correct! Student: "Listen to us, what the teacher says is wrong!"

Teacher: "You are stupid. Student:

We're smart. Teacher: "Stop!

Student: "Go ahead!" Teacher:

Stop now! Stop it! Student:

Let's move on now! And more! Teacher:

You stupid pigs, I say stop! Student: "We're all geniuses, we say go ahead!"

Teacher: "Listen to the teacher!" Student:

Teachers listen to us! Teacher: "Students have to listen to the teacher!"

Student: "Teachers have to listen to students!" Teacher:

Now you guys stop practicing! Student: "Now let's keep practicing!"

Teacher: "Are you all endless?" Student:

We have a beginning and an end! Teacher: "Then you stop!"

Stupid pig! Student: "Then let's move on!"

Talented! After that, the teacher angrily walked out of the classroom with the book in his arms.

1.A asks B: "Let me ask you a question, someone has won the jackpot, and he will play a song title!" ”

B: "Wishing you prosperity?" ”

A: "That's not right! Think again! ”

B: "The God of Wealth has arrived?" ”

A: "That's not right! Let me tell you, it's "It's a pity it's not you"! ”

2.Wife: Husband, if you can lose 10 kilograms, I'll show you the dance.

Husband: If you can lose 5 kilograms, I'm willing to watch it.

3.A pair of good men and women were walking on the beach, and the man saw the ** in the distance, pointed his finger at the woman and said: "The money I spent on you can buy a **!"

After hearing this, the woman said angrily: "Hmph, why don't you say that the cannon you shoot on me can liberate Taiwan!" If you think it's funny, take it!

As for Xiao Ming, he has an exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV at night.

Xiao Ming's mother praised Xiao Ming very happily: Good boy, then you must do well in the exam tomorrow Xiao Ming cried and said: Mom, I mean, 'Mom, I see, it's over'.

Once upon a time, a man was fishing and caught a squid.

The squid begged him: You let me go, don't bake me to eat.

The man said, "Okay, then I'm going to ask you a few questions."

The squid was very happy and said: You take the test, you take the test!

Then the man grilled the squid.

Mom called me a translator! Super hilarious).

Mom: This "I don't know."What does that mean?

I said, "I don't know".

Mom: I sent you to college for a few years, why don't you know anything!!

I said, "No!" Is it "I don't know"!!

Mom: Still hard-mouthed!! ####&..A blast beating).

Mom: Tell me about this again," I know"You know what it means, tell me.

I said, "I know."

Mom: If you know, say it.

I said, "I know."

Mom: Find fault with you? You cleaned up lightly just now, didn't you?

I said, "I know!"

Mom: I know you don't say it yet!! Don't pretend to understand if you don't understand! &* $ (another beating).

Mom: You give me a little care, spend so much money to send you to college, you can't do anything now, you will have a little bit of things and play with the old lady, and then ask you the last one, you explain it to me, if you can't say it, I'll clean you up, you translate it for me, "I know but I don't want to tell you."What does that mean?

I fainted, picked up a pillow and threw it on my head more than 30 times, hit my head against the wall more than 40 times, pumped my mouth more than 50 times with both hands, and kicked the corner of the table more than 60 times with my legs.

No, her old man came to me again and asked, "Son, I'm very annoyance, don t tuouble me".

I said, "I'm annoyed, don't bother me".

Mom: "Looking for a fight, talk to ** like this" (so he was flattened).

Mom asked again, "I hear nothing, repeat."What do you mean?

I said, "I didn't hear you, say it again".

Mom said it again: I hear nothing, repeat".

I said, "I didn't hear you, say it again".

As a result, it was flattened. Mom asked again: "What do you say" How to explain it?

I said, "What did you say" (flattened again).

Mom asked again: "What does it mean to look up in the dictionary"?

I said, "Look it up in the dictionary."

Look up the dictionary and ask you what you do" (was flattened).

Mom asked again: You had better ask some bodyHow to translate it?

I said, "You'd better ask someone."

You are my son, I ask others what they are doing, and I look for a fight, and I ask you again: "use you head, then think it over", what does it mean!

I said, "Use your brain, think again."

Stinky boy, you dare to play me" and then he had to do it again.

I hurriedly said, "It's the only thing in the world that my mother is good."

"Report! That monkey is coming in again! Alas, he came five times a day, and what treasures did he scavenge?

The dragon king, the monkey snatched a pair of lotus silk steps, a pair of chain armor, a phoenix winged purple gold crown and a Ruyi gold hoop stick. In that case, you go and tell the monkey that you don't have to fight anymore, all the equipment that we can make for this copy is out!

Open Weibo - press the channel - and then press funny. It's full of jokes, and every day there are new ones! I believe that there will always be jokes in it that will make the landlord smile!!

I obviously put my phone into airplane mode, why did I throw it out and it still broke...

How do you win customers? Answer: aThe mouth can speak straw into gold bars; bThe skin of the face is thick as a wall; cThe heart is as black as the bottom of the pot; D's hands are as spicy as mustard.

I couldn't sleep last night and shone everywhere with an infrared pen on the balcony. When I saw the man who had returned overnight, I shot infrared light at him...I saw that the guy jumped quickly, jumped on the green belt and lay down behind the grass, and did not move for five minutes. I was about to go back to bed when I saw the guy at the end of the green belt and he got up and ran.

Dare to think that someone is going to snipe him, he has been crawling forward in the green belt for more than 20 meters, I have watched too many Hong Kong films

Daughter: Mom, braid my pigtails.

Mother: If you're a boy, you don't have to bother so much.

Daughter: What, you want me to go out and fight? Want me to skip my homework? Want to be called to school by a teacher?

Just now, an uncle came to open an account, and he was stumped in the column of document type.

After looking at his ID card for a long time, he wrote in the space: rectangle.

The exam teacher handed out the papers, and the girl behind took one more and shouted: "Teacher, I have it, I have it!" As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine!" ”…

When you miss an important intersection right away! I'm in a hurry to shout right! Right! Then he turned his head back to me and made a fuss and missed ...

I still remember that on June 9 of my sophomore year of high school, I was sleeping at the same table, and the head teacher suddenly came in, and the first thing he said was: "You are now in your third year of high school!" The tablemate sat up in fright, looked at me with wide dog eyes, and said

How long the did I sleep?!!

Well, I'm just here to see the jokes.

When I was a child, every time I was dragged by the seven aunts and eight aunts to attend a wedding party or something, I didn't want to go. At this time, they would laugh and say to me loudly, "Next time it's your turn!" Ha ha! Then he dragged me along.

One day, we were going to a funeral, and there was a lot of fog on the way, so I didn't want to go again. They still do the same old way: "Next time it's your turn!" "It's your turn! You! It's here.