What is the psychology of people who like to have a cold war with their families?

Most of the people I met who knew how to fight had a trait in their bones, which was the fear of face-to-face confrontation. Not quarreling with others, it seems to be a very good wish, but it is actually very unrealistic, because it means that his dissatisfaction with everyone can not be vented through normal channels, he is afraid of conflict, so he will try to avoid all possible opportunities to quarrel with others, he does not easily give people advice, does not give people a look, tries to play a kind old and good person image, bears all the pressure, and then in the end, when he can't bear it, "bang", he decides to ignore no one again, So he left the other party alone in cold violence, and he disappeared completely. This is a kind of mentality of cold and violent people.

If you are in either situation, it means that there is a problem with your communication, you are running away from the problem, just like an ostrich, you will only bury your head in the sand when you get into trouble. This also reflects that you do not express your emotions smoothly and do not express them reasonably, which means that you will not deal with conflicts after encountering them. This condition will affect your physical and mental health in the long run.

People who quarrel and like the Cold War, the more sensitive they are, the more they want to get the other party's understanding and support, they don't like to get to the bottom of it, in fact, it's more because they don't know how to express it, and if you ask too much, the heart will be bored to the point that it can't bear it, and indirectly show a more fragile psychology.

People who like the Cold War, without exception, are people who have a knot in their hearts about conflict, they either run away from conflict and suppress themselves, or they are extremely inferior and afraid of confrontation, in short, people who don't have the courage to end their relationship are people who have no sense of responsibility and no responsibility.

Some people are not good at handling the relationship in this kind of conflict, although they want to reconcile, but because of the loss of face, or they are embarrassed to take the initiative to speak, and when the other party does not take the initiative to reconcile, they can only continue the Cold War, even if they are psychologically eager to break the ice, but they just can't take the initiative to take the first step. The two sides are in a stalemate, and the Cold War continues.

Don't want to talk. I can understand this, not wanting to speak is only a temporary situation, because in anger we say things can easily hurt each other, so I am supportive. After getting angry, the mood has improved, all you have to do is to take the initiative to communicate, and then talk about it calmly, and you must not stop it.

In fact, people who like the Cold War have fragile souls. Yes, fragile! Don't look at them as bullish as they ignore you, in fact they are afraid of further conflict with you.

I feel that my attention at home is not high enough, I want my family to care more, and I don't want them to ignore me.

People like this don't care about family affection, and their minds are very immature, they are all their own family members, why should they have a cold war with them? There is something that can be communicated well.

Not mature enough, in fact, the closest person in the world should be the family, parents are usually reluctant to pay attention to us, but children always vent their emotions too much, unconsciously hurt the family.

My husband's father works in the county town and is also a well-known figure, but my mother-in-law refuses to come out, just taking her children to farm in the countryside. My mother once asked my mother-in-law, why don't you come out and live with his grandfather? The mother-in-law's answer was: I don't want to be together, I always quarrel.

At a family gathering, the child's father talked about the past, mentioning that his mother-in-law gave birth to two children back then, and he was not around. His intention was to praise grandma's independence and listen to us who are daughters-in-law, but I can clearly see the indifference in my mother-in-law's eyes. Can you imagine, what is the husband who grew up in this environment like?

Someone summed up the four laws for people who like the Cold War, and I admire it from the bottom of my heart, who said it too right!

1) extreme ego; This kind of man is self-centered and wants to save face, you must not refute his face in front of people, otherwise you will look good every minute, flip the table, pick up your face, make you restless, you can't care what he wants to do! I'm really wronged to be with him!

Things in society are very difficult, not women can understand, such a man makes you really tired!

3) lack of empathy; In daily life, you will be tormented by the child, troubled by the trivial things of life, when you narrate to her, he is as expressionless as no one, sometimes you are tired for a day, ask him to send you something to eat, he will respond to you, I didn't eat it, and then there is no news, he will make your heart cold day by day, and then from then on he is a passerby.

4) Disrespect for people; Cold and violent people are self-centered, and at the same time very hypocritical, everyone outside says he is good, but they don't take you to heart, what you ask, three or five times, he only listens to the wind, and he will be very, very depressed with him.

Whoever encounters this kind of person in your life, you will feel that life is really tiring and boring.

Don't want to talk, can't speak, the influence of character.

The Cold War is different from calmness, which is a short-term thinking, and the Cold War is a long-term evasion, and its essence is to refuse to communicate with others and cut off the channel of communication.

1.I really don't want to talk.

Once a person is angry, it is inevitable that he will say hurtful things, say the wrong thing, and often regret it, everyone has their own performance when making up for their mistakes, and someone can calm down quickly.

And some people need a long time to calm down, so not speaking for the time being can effectively avoid the escalation of the conflict. Wait until you are calm and then communicate, so that the communication will be smoother.

2.I really can't speak.

Many people have friction with their partners, often they have something in their hearts, but they don't know how to express it, which often causes language jams. In the long run, when you encounter problems, you will develop an attitude of avoidance. Like an ostrich, when in danger, it buries its head in the sand.

This way of dealing with it is extremely bad, and after a long time, the accumulated negative emotions will affect your physical and mental health.

3.Nature.

The influence of the family of origin on a person's personality is great.

If you are born into a family full of quarrels and cold wars, and your parents often quarrel, subconsciously, you will also imitate your parents' way of getting along and form your habits when facing problems.

But habits can be changed, starting with changing one's own behavior and changing habits. The issue of the Cold War can be properly resolved.

1. I don't want to have a bigger conflict with you.

As the saying goes: take a step back and open the sky.

They chose the Cold War because they did not want to expand the contradictions between the two sides, and even in their consciousness, this kind of Cold War behavior is quite gentlemanly.

When you interact with this kind of person, when you generally quarrel, he is not willing to deal with you, is indifferent to each other, and even leaves far away, often playing and disappearing.

Your emotions are not considered at all.

If you want to vent your negative emotions, you can't find anyone, it's like a punch on cotton.

Second, I am very dissatisfied with you.

There are many such people in society who have a cold war against you, which is actually telling you that they are very dissatisfied with you and want to make you compromise through the cold war.

Some people have been hurt when they were young, or because of their original family, they have a closed heart and don't know how to love someone.

At the same time, I am afraid of the approach of others, and I can only treat you through the cold war.

3. I don't know how to express my emotions.

Many people actually don't like to quarrel very much, so they will choose to deal with their emotions internally, which is the Cold War.

They don't know how to express their emotions, let alone how to comfort their partners, so they resort to cold war.

Moreover, because they have long been accustomed to the Cold War, they do not feel very painful.

The Cold War is arguably one of the most devastating ways to deal with emotional conflicts. A person who likes to use the Cold War to deal with conflicts must have something to do with the pattern of getting along with his parents, and this effect is likely to have begun in childhood.

A person who has a more objective understanding of self-awareness, a person with a higher degree of self-confidence, will choose to use communication and a more peaceful way to solve the contradictions between partners, and those who like the cold war because of their inner fragility and poor emotional control ability, it is difficult to produce more positive behaviors in conflict communication, which eventually leads to every contradiction resolution will become infinite quarrels, and over time, they begin to escape contradictions. Hide yourself in a hard shell and can't extricate yourself.

Many children grow up with parents arguing a lot, and most parents don't notice that arguing in front of their children has a very negative impact on their children's inner growth. Children's psychological process is a lack of objective understanding of the outlook on life and values, so what they can accept is the most superficial negative emotions in the parents' quarrels, such as: anger, sadness, etc., if the parents' quarrel mode is accusation, abuse or even fighting, this leaves a great psychological shadow on the child.

Although this impression will gradually be hidden when children grow up, but the subconscious memory of their parents' quarrels is still fresh, and in the future in their own emotional conflicts, they will follow their parents' quarrels or deliberately avoid this quarrel because of psychological shadows, so the cold war is not only a manifestation of attitude, but also their lack of correct and positive communication with others.

Under normal circumstances, couples who make good use of the Cold War to resolve conflicts will break up, because the Cold War not only fails to resolve the conflict, but also makes the other half's patience run out and eventually choose to leave.

One day, I broke out against my parents in order to resist or reconcile, and they realized that I had so many grievances and grievances in my heart. But I never expressed my resentment to my ex-boyfriend who broke up coldly and violently, and it is better to let him know that he has such a bad side in my heart, so that he still doesn't know why I broke up. It's my self-righteous kindness.

Of course, it was only after I was exposed to psychology that I realized that this was still my self-righteous maturity and decency. I don't have any grievances, I don't trust the people who love me, and I presuppose that the other party will not be able to understand me. In fact, it is also an extreme lack of confidence in my heart.

Women who like to fight the cold war are either dissatisfied with their husbands for a long time, or they are trying to win their husbands' attention and attention to them through the cold war.

In this case, the woman thinks that if you give in first, apologize to me or coax me first, it means that you have me in your heart and you value my existence. Because if a man really loves his woman, he can't bear to let her suffer in the cold war all the time. This logic is a psychological phenomenon that often occurs in love and marriage.

Therefore, women need to understand a truth: whether a man bows his head first or not does not necessarily prove your position in his mind. If the fault is on you, it is the wrong party that should bow down first.

In addition, if you test the other party's feelings by fighting a cold war, it may be easy to "bake the paste" of feelings.

For men, it should be understood that this psychological characteristic of women, whether right or wrong, should show the heart of a manly man, first bow his head and confess his guilt, end the cold war, and then make a short and long deal with her at the head of the bed.

3. Men fight the Cold War, probably trying to conquer women.

There are some men who subconsciously have a very serious machismo mentality, and they don't have the opportunity to give full play to them in peacetime, so they take advantage of the Cold War to show it. He is inherently weak, and he needs a woman's respect and obedience very much. Fighting a cold war and bowing one's head first not only damages the dignity of men, but also worries that women will put their noses on their noses and make mistakes.

I will not bow my head, I will torture you to see if you accept it. This is actually a deliberate attempt to punish women with the Cold War and make women realize that I am not easy to mess with. Don't mess with me again in the future, or there will be no good results.

Now that equality between men and women is emphasized, there is less and less market for men's means of subjugating women, and fighting the Cold War may be the last chance for machismo to conquer women.

The Cold War should have two purposes, one is to force the other side to compromise, and the other is to make both sides take a step back and think calmly, rather than continue to add fuel to the fire. The first is psychological warfare, which is a contest and test of the status of two people in the hearts of both sides. This is a more left-hand way, but it should be done in moderation, because the other party's position in one's heart will make oneself make the necessary concessions, otherwise it will break sooner or later like a taut rubber band.

It's hard to get two people on the same page without disagreeing, and it takes more communication. On the contrary, a heated exchange can also be a quarrel, where the contradictions continue to expand, causing different points of view to converge in the direction of further and further apart, and the original intention of the exchange is to understand each other's thoughts. At this time, the Cold War gave such an opportunity, so that both sides could sit down and calmly reflect on the issues of contention, combine the ideas of the other side, and begin to try to understand the other side.

I think there should be a "thaw point" in the Cold War to try to merge the views of both sides. Either way, both sides should take the initiative to do their best to get the best way. Of course, all this must be built on the basis of the original, such as feelings.