If you want a joke, can you 20, can you tell me a joke

1, an old man and an old lady get on the bus together, just one seat, the old lady sits down, the old man comes forward and asks the old lady: How old are you this year? The old lady is 68?

When the old man heard this, he said to the old lady: "Hehe, young man, get up and give me a seat!" I'm 93 ......

Unexpectedly, the old lady smiled and said to the old man: I'm sorry, I'm pregnant, and my second child ......

The old man fainted on the spot .......

2, on the night of the candles in the cave room, the groom excitedly lifted the bride's red hijab, but Wow found that it was another woman, and couldn't help but be surprised and happy and hurriedly asked: "You, who are you?" ”

The woman smiled, blushed and whispered, "The bride is drunk, I am a bridesmaid, and I will marry after drinking." ”

3. The couple divorced and fought for the child, and in the court, the wife said confidently: The child born from my belly belongs to me, of course.

The husband said angrily: Joke, it's just nonsense, can the money from the ATM be returned to the ATM? It's not who inserts the card.

The judge fainted on the spot, and even the lawyer admired it.

The wife then said: If it comes out is counterfeit money, do you want it?

Everyone present fainted and has not yet woken up.

4, there is a father who likes to get a male treasure, let the master name it: master, my surname is Gao, my daughter-in-law's surname is Guo, the child's name must have our surname, I am the male host, in order to highlight my family status, I want to suppress my daughter-in-law! What should a child be called?

Master: This is easy to do, let's call it high-pressure Guo (pressure cooker)!

Ji Xiaolan gave He Shen a plaque of "bamboo buds", He Shen was very happy, but Qianlong said: "Why are all your families straw bales?" ”

Show you a joke:

A woman asked her husband, "If I fall into the water with your mother, which one will you save first?" ”

My husband looked embarrassed and said, "I can't swim!" ”

The lady said, "Suppose you would." ”

My husband said, "Don't you know how to swim yourself?" Of course I'll save my mom. ”

"I'm talking about assuming I can't swim," the woman said. ”~

My husband said, "You can't swim, why don't you take an old lady to the water?" ”

The lady said angrily: "You are really brainless, I am not assuming! ”

My husband said without showing weakness: "You assume that something is not good, why do you assume that my mother fell into the water, why don't you assume your mother?" ”

The lady held back her anger: "Then my mother and your mother fell into the water together, okay?" ”

The husband looked pained and said, "What are you doing with the two old ladies in the water?" It's okay if you don't like my mom, is it easy for your mom to pull you? ”

The most bullish notice. Xiao Zhang is anxious, and when driving, he always thinks that the car in front of him is driving slowly, so he either overtakes or honks his horn desperately.

That day, I was in Xiao Zhang's car, encountered a red light at an intersection, and waited for dozens of seconds before the green light came on. However, a small car in front of it did not move for half a day. Judging by that, the driver must be a novice.

The strange thing is that Xiao Zhang, who is impatient, is not impatient or impatient, and he didn't even press the horn.

I asked curiously, "Why don't you rush the car in front of you?" ”

Xiao Zhang smiled bitterly and said to me, "I don't dare to urge him." ”

Why don't you dare to urge? Could it be a car driven by the traffic police? Xiao Zhang shook his head and said helplessly: "It's better than the traffic police's car, look at the notice on the back of his car." ”

I took a closer look, and the notice posted on the back of the car was: "The more you push, the slower, and then the engine is turned off!" ”

You, me, him. Once Xiao Ming was distracted in class, the teacher said, "Xiao Ming, what did I say just now?"

His fellow speakers whispered to him, "You, me, him." Xiao Ming shouted:

You, me, him. "What do you mean? "I don't know!

Honestly: "I'm the teacher, you're the student, and the girl across from the student is her!" "When he got home, his dad asked him

What did you learn today? You, me, him. "What do you mean?

Xiao Ming said: "I am the teacher, you are the girl opposite the student, she is her!" His dad said

Wrong, it should be my father, you are the son, the person opposite is your mother! The next day, he said to the teacher: "Teacher, my dad, you are wrong, it should be my father, you are the person opposite your son, and it is your mother!" ”

A pair of lovers were caught by wild men in the mountains and said, "You eat each other's feces and let you go." The lover did it, and on the way back, the woman cried, and the man asked the reason, and the woman said sadly: You don't love me, otherwise you wouldn't pull so much!

If you look for it from wandering around the Internet, you can find it yourself.

At the propaganda meeting on misunderstanding family planning, a leader was giving a speech: "Children are the flowers of the motherland and the little saplings that grow, but if you don't control the population growth and continue to give birth to more children, you will bring them in the future."

What are the consequences? ”

Leader A leader read the manuscript when he made a report on learning the spirit of Lei Feng to the employees

Lie detector: A certain buddy's son loves to lie, so he bought a lie detector and his son came home late one day. Parent:

Where did it go. Said: Reading books in the library.

The robot slapped it in the face. Son: I went to my classmates to watch a romantic action movie.

Father: What a bold man, I haven't seen it when I've grown so big. The robot gave his father a slap in the face.

The mother angrily reprimanded: He deserves to be so harsh on his son. Anyway, he's your own.

Syllable! The robot gave his mother another big slap in the face!

Fart, fart is the treasure of life, there is a fart, suffocate the heart, no fart to squeeze, exercise, fart, fart, feel comfortable. Attention, everyone, I'm going to fart, and when the fart sounds, everyone applauds!

A meeting was held in a township, and because of the homonym, the village chief said: "Rabbits, shrimp, don't want melons, pickles are too expensive." (Comrades, villagers, don't speak, now the meeting is open.)

The host said: "Pickles please sausage and pulp melon." (Now I give the floor to the head of the township.)

In our dormitory, if one person drinks too much, he has to pee and then bring out a cold saying: "If you drink too much urine, you will drink a lot." ”

There was a pig, and he walked and walked and walked and walked to England, and what became of him as a result? --pig.The teacher in class randomly checks and memorizes the text, and the piglets, dogs, and kittens all raise their hands, who will the teacher call?

Dogs, because of Want Want senbei butterflies, ants, spiders, centipedes, they work together, which one of them doesn't get paid in the end? Centipede, because of its ineffectiveness The elephant in the zoo has the longest trunk, so who is the second longest? Baby elephant Which fruit has the worst eyesight?

Mango Which two fruits have a cell phone? If there is a car, the driver is a prince and the passenger is a princess, whose car is it? If the gold, wood, water, fire, and earth, whose legs are long?

Ham sausage.

There is a person who takes the bus every day to and from work, one day he sits on the bus and wants to fart, but he feels embarrassed by so many people, he is listening to **, so he thought of a way, follow the rhythm of ** and fart together so that others can not hear it, after the release feels very comfortable, after a while, I think that I am wearing a plug

Landlord, do you think it's funny?

1. The mobile phone has not rang for a month, and I took it to repair it today, but the maintenance master said that the mobile phone was not broken, but no one called ** for more than a month

Very strong sisters.

There is a sister in the office, who is very strong.

It's been cold lately, and I saw her sitting on a stool shaking her feet.

I asked her what was wrong, and she replied, "Urgency." ”

I asked, "Why don't you solve it?" ”

She said, "Keep it and keep warm." ”

Won't say it easily.

After tutoring my eight-year-old nephew in English, I chatted with him. I teased him if there were any beautiful little girls in the class that he liked.

His words made me instantly messy: "Auntie, you know me." If I love someone, I won't say it easily! ”

< joke > there was a teacher who was on a boat, and the captain talked to him about the year Geng, so he asked the teacher about the physiognomy of the teacher, and the teacher replied that it was a dog, and asked the month, and replied that it was the first month. The captain then sighed: "I am also a dog, but it is December."

Mr. is the head of a dog, so he is called (taught) for a lifetime, and I am a dog's tail, so I shake for a lifetime. ”

Notice: Good news, good news! Students who eat in the second cafeteria at noon today will have the honor to receive a free X-ray physical examination at the school hospital at 4 pm.

Look clearly, but it's free! ）。Small print under the book:

Due to the negligence of Master Liu in the canteen, he accidentally lost a small shovel, four rice spoons, and a broken rag when stir-frying

A school conducted a discussion class on family issues. In one classroom, the teacher asks the students, "What do you think is the best way to eliminate the discord between parents and students?"

One student boldly stood up and said to the teacher, "The best thing to do is this: you fill in all 100 marks on my academic transcript."

Mike walked into the restaurant and ordered a soup, which the waiter immediately served him. As soon as the waiter walked away, Mike shouted, "I'm sorry, I can't drink this soup."

The waiter re-served him a soup, but he still said, "I'm sorry, I can't drink this soup." The waiter had to call the manager.

In the dining room, an unusually humble man timidly touched another customer, who was wearing an overcoat. "I'm sorry, are you Mr. Pierre? "No, I'm not.

When you get it right, no one remembers. When you do it wrong, even breathing is wrong ...

One person went to bed at noon and set the QQ auto-reply to "And then?" As a result, a classmate chatted with it for a noon ......

The cold rabbit laughed and watched for himself.