What harm does a divorced family do to a child?

For a divorced family, whether it will cause harm to the children depends on how each member of the family handles the divorce.

The divorce of parents is actually a series of processes for children, not the moment when you receive the divorce certificate, the contradiction in your early relationship as understood by adults; The sparks and smoke in life are felt by children.

If it is a pair of parents who attack each other and even treat their children as **, when you are not divorced, the harm to the children has already occurred, and such parents must ignore each other or continue to be aggressive after the divorce, so that the children are caught in the middle and are at a loss, so do you say that this will hurt the children? He can't feel love in his life, he doesn't know how to love, and he doesn't even know whether he should love or not, this injury may affect him for a lifetime, and his future mate selection standards and principles in marriage will be implicated, which is now called the influence of the original family!

On the contrary, if a pair of parents who are ready to divorce can control their emotions well in front of their children, deal with this complex relationship with a rational and peaceful attitude, do not leave too many negative things, and let the children understand that just two adults can't continue to live together, but the love of parents has not changed, believe me, children are often more understanding and supportive than you think!

The divorce of parents has a huge change for children, that is, who will they live with in the future, Dad? Mom? Some of them are even thrown directly to the elderly at home!

If you live with the elderly, for the child, the whole world will be gray and cold, no matter how good the education is, it is not as good as the company of the parents, the child without the company of the parents will definitely lose his vitality, the cowardice in the character, low self-esteem and other negative factors will quickly entangle his heart like a vine, and the blow to the child will be very big, which is equivalent to the collapse of the whole world. Therefore, no matter how difficult it is for children from divorced families, parents must bring what they can bring!

As parents, do not affect communication and attention with children because of divorce, and maintain consistency in children's education and training, at this stage, we should pay more attention to children's emotions, and let children know that although parents do not live together, but mom and dad care about you has not changed. The home in the child's heart is still there! Don't complain about the other party in front of the child, the child is easy to be confused, why the person he loves the most is such an unbearable person.

Whether the parents are divorced or not is not the decisive factor in determining whether it will cause harm to the child, but whether there is a healthy relationship between parents plays a pivotal role!

In the past, the phenomenon of divorce was very rare, and in the current open society, the phenomenon of divorce is becoming more and more serious, which not only causes a loss to the family, but is not conducive to the healthy growth of children.

This will promote the child's personality to become withdrawn, which is not conducive to the healthy development of the child. I remember when I was in elementary school, there was a little boy in our class, at that time I knew that his mother was always not at home, and it was his grandfather and grandmother who sent him to school. Every time he gets out of school, he always leaves the classroom alone, and the other classmates are happy to go home to eat in groups of three or five, and he always goes home slowly alone, and does not communicate with other classmates, and does not see him say a word for a day, and gradually becomes very lonely, and over time, Xiao Ming dropped out of school, and it is very regrettable that the free compulsory education stage has not been completed.

If his parents had not divorced, he would have completed his studies on time.

Such children become like stray dogs, and no one cares about what they do. Because children are also very rebellious in adolescence, they need their parents to show him the way forward, so that children will not take detours and face life positively. A colleague of my mother, who divorced her husband because he often did not do his job, had a boy owned by his father.

Because his father is a person who does not do his job, and his father is also a person who is often outside, he never cares about the children at home, resulting in his children spending the night in Internet cafes all day long, so young children are addicted to games all day long, and they can't keep up with their studies, and their grandparents can't control them, sometimes they don't want to go to school in school and run into the Internet café, and in the end the courses they learn can't catch up, so they have to drop out of school and go home. If his parents were not divorced, and his mother was also born into an intellectual family, the child would have achieved great things under the good education of his parents.

Such children will be ridiculed by their classmates and will not feel the love of their parents. There is a girl in our village whose parents are divorced, and when she was in junior high school, her classmates were very gossipy, and they would always discuss whose family was and what her parents were doing. On the topic of whether their family is rich, once she heard others say that her parents divorced because of something, but when she heard this, she slapped the table and slapped the classmate, which shows how much the divorced child cares about what others think of her, and how much pressure and burden the psychology bears.

So we should treat everyone equally. We need to love everyone with our hands.

In fact, I think that the divorce between husband and wife and the breakdown of the family will have a huge impact on the children. If it is not handled well, it will make the child have problems such as loneliness, low self-esteem, unsociability, fear, etc., which will appear one by one when he grows up, affecting his normal life. Some children will also have a sense of self-blame, you must tell the child that the divorce is not his fault, and that his parents still love him very much.

Divorce can also agree to go out as a family and spend more time.

The first is insecurity, which will stay with them for the rest of their lives.

Secondly, the dumping style of education, children can only listen to the opinions and views of one parent, and cannot avoid an incomplete understanding of things.

The third is the difficulty of getting along with others.

Introverted and melancholy, with a withdrawn personality. Children from divorced families tend to be reticent, depressed, afraid of being hurt again and refuse to socialize, and afraid of being asked about their parents' divorce without communicating. Over time, habits will naturally form a withdrawn personality.

When children from divorced families see other peers happy, it is conceivable that their immature psychology will produce great pressure, and their mood will be depressed.

Free and unmotivated. Children in divorced families are in a state of laissez-faire due to the lack of parental guidance and care, and the lack of parents' role models in words and deeds. In terms of learning, it will be manifested as poor organizational discipline, decreased academic performance, lack of interest in group activities, and abnormal relationship between classmates and teachers and students.

The divorce of the parents of the original family may affect the child's view of love and marriage in the future.

The importance of the family of origin is reflected in the fact that it provides us with the first important example and reference for the theme of what is love. If the parent's marriage does not establish healthy values for the child, it will undoubtedly be difficult for the child to enter a challenging love relationship.

Family relationships are incomplete.

Now that the concept of the family of origin has become widely known, it is true that the form of the family of origin is inextricably linked to our own romantic relationships, marriage relationships, and parent-child relationships. The incompleteness of the family relationship is often an important factor when we establish an intimate relationship independently, but this does not mean that the two are necessarily related. How we perceive the influence of our family of origin on us and how we deal with complex family relationships are the key differences.

The parents are not divorced, but they have constant daily quarrels and strong emotional conflicts;

Parents educate their children in an excessively violent way, and may have varying degrees of abusive tendencies and facts at the verbal, physical, or mental levels;

Parents have very little time to take care of their children when they are growing up, and grandparents, relatives, nannies, etc. are the main caregivers;

Children begin to live independently at a very young age, such as attending secondary school abroad on their own, or living in a long-term boarding house.

These incompleteness can be longer and more far-reaching. The reason is that the importance of the family of origin is reflected in the fact that it provides us with the first important example and reference for the theme of what is love. If this role model does not show the child the correct expression of love well, it can easily lead to two outcomes -

Forming the belief that love is so intense and violent, or that conflict should be dealt with in a way such as the Cold War, and then habitually expressing love and dealing with conflict in the same way when establishing a new intimate relationship with oneself;

Knowing well that the role model has brought a bad influence on oneself and being convinced that there is nothing that can be done about it, they regard the experience of their family of origin as part of their own personality and consider it their own flaws, so that they are unable to confidently show their inner thoughts and give control of their feelings to their partners.

In either case, we should be able to sense that such a pattern is vulnerable in relationships, because we may not be fully established under the influence of incomplete family relationships. We have many, many beliefs that should be imperceptibly accumulated in the process of growing up, and they are still in a vague and uncertain state, such as:

I don't know how to express love in a reasonable way;

Unsure where the boundaries of interpersonal relations are, whether it is easy to sacrifice one's own boundaries or to cross the boundaries of the other party;

When conflicts occur, I don't know how to deal with them to promote the maintenance of feelings;

It's easy to completely believe or deny a person's value, including oneself, because of fragmented information (such as doing something right or wrong).

1. Low self-esteem. Parents are the pride of children, and in a family without a father or mother, children naturally do not have this sense of superiority, and are prone to negative and pessimistic thoughts of "my family is unfortunate", "I am a child that no one wants", and "my life is not good".

2. Withdrawn. An unharmonious family environment can cause children to feel strained about interpersonal relationships, especially in restructured families, where due to the carelessness of the father or the estrangement between them and their stepparents, their family communication is limited, and they feel that they are neglected in the family, resulting in a sense of loneliness and behaving as a detached person.

3. Cowardice. After some parents divorce, they often pin their feelings and hopes on their children, and they are too tightly bound and disciplined. Over time, the child is psychologically overburdened, afraid that he will disappoint his parents, so he stays away from his parents, becomes timid and fearful, and is cowardly and withdrawn.

Fourth, rebellion. Some of these children do not accept the discipline of their stepparents due to the estrangement of family affection, or the stepparents are not convenient for them to be too strict, and they have developed a disobedience to heaven since they were young, and they are self-centered in everything and everywhere, and because they do not understand the divorce behavior of their parents, they have a sense of disgust for the family, and there is a psychological phenomenon of rebellion.

1. It is easy to be overly pampered.

After some parents divorce, the people around them will think that the child is very pitiful, especially the elders, will have a compensatory psychology for the child, and pamper the child more, the child does need love, but blind satisfaction will make the child feel that the world is indebted to him, and produce arrogant and complacent.

2. It is easy to feel guilty.

If parents often quarrel in front of their children and say "it's all because of you", the children will feel that they have done something wrong that will cause their parents to separate, and they will have a strong sense of guilt in their hearts.

3. Insecurity.

Many parents will look for their other half again after divorce, at this time the child may become an obstacle to their "pursuit of happiness", some parents will push the child to the elderly, ignore the child, which will make the child extremely insecure, easy to have psychological problems.

Divorce seems to be a very common thing, if there are no children, the two can pursue their own happiness to the fullest, but after becoming parents, we must consider the problems of children, we do not advocate reluctantly being together for the sake of children, but after deciding to separate, we must not ignore children.

1. It will make children have shadows in their lives. In a happy family, the father loves the mother, and the child and the parents can live very happily, so the family can give the child a good living environment. However, the divorce of parents will make the child have a shadow in his life, and will make the child wonder why others have parents with him but not himself, which will leave a lot of bad impressions in the process of the child's growth, which is very detrimental to the child's future.

2. It will make the child insecure, and it should have grown up under the protection of the parents, if the parents divorce, then the day that sheltered the child from the wind and rain will be gone, and the child will be particularly insecure. Therefore, as a parent, it is necessary to maintain a good family relationship, so that the child can live a better life, otherwise the child will be afraid of anything, insecure, and will become a very timid person.

3. It will make children withdrawn. If he lives in a divorced family, whether he follows his father or mother, he will lack a love in his heart. At this time, he will gradually become less talkative, his personality will become very withdrawn, and there will be some problems in the process of communicating with others, because he cannot be accompanied by his parents like other children.

Therefore, the child is often alone, which is very detrimental to his development.