Please revise this poem! Please change this poem simply

1 If you say it's limerick, it's fine.

2 From the perspective of a five-character quatrain:

There is no problem with the rhyme, and "people" and "neighbors" rhyme.

There is a problem with the level, and the brief table of the five uniques is:

The first sentence of the five absolute flats rhymes.

Ping Ping Ping (rhyme).

仄仄仄平平 (rhyme).

It's mediocre.

Ping Ping Ping (rhyme).

The first sentence of the five absolute flats does not rhyme.

It's mediocre.

仄仄仄平平 (rhyme).

It's mediocre.

Ping Ping Ping (rhyme).

The first sentence of the five absolute rhymes.

仄仄仄平平 (rhyme).

Ping Ping Ping (rhyme).

It's mediocre.

仄仄仄平平 (rhyme).

The first sentence of the five absolute sentences does not rhyme.

It's mediocre.

Ping Ping Ping (rhyme).

It's mediocre.

仄仄仄平平 (rhyme).

Look at your poem should be the fourth type, so the words "number" and "for" are not in line with each sentence (each sentence.

First, the three words can be flat or even).

Changed to "rhyme with the first sentence", but this poem is not interesting:

The fool goes into the mountains and forests, and calls himself a wild man.

Just because of the warm winter, the neighbors are exposed.

Judge it in vain.

I don't pay much attention to it.

Be particular about formatting.

The rhyme is not good. There are farmers in the fields, and it is the farmers who are not lucky, but they are tired at the autumn equinox.

Haha, play.

The wild and the number are mismatched, and the number is out of stick.

However, the best leaf sentence rhyme is five words and 20 words, which is related to the problem of talent.

It's not right, I can't express what I want to say, you must know that writing poetry is first of all words, and then rhyme. You can't turn it upside down. Hug the master to get the poem, let's call it a poem, not only is there a problem with the plain, the rhyme is not right, there is a rhyme in the middle, and the rhyme of the first sentence and the rhyme of the last sentence are not one at all.

I don't think there's anything to change, it's better to learn more about the basic rules of poetry and start anew.

What a broken thing, you can't change it, forget it, it will be a pain in your life.

The rhyme is not good, and the meaning is not clear

An old man in the downtown area had no choice but to become a beggar.

Just because he was not filial, he cried and complained on the street.

13-year-old boy, this "Snowflake" is well written! It's already nice that it doesn't involve too much potential content. Personally, I think that the last paragraph of the original is not good, and the previous ones are all very good.

After a few simple changes, the suggestion was to add a strong sense of rhythm between the passages to make the work more intriguing. What about the idea of the unknown building?

Snowflakes floated in the sky, one by one, and fell.

Beautiful, yet white.

It fell to the ground, and the children used it to have snowball fights and build snowmen.

With laughter, dancing and dissipating, or.

Standing and melting.

Fall into the river, melt into the river, look east, turn west.

With the temperature, slowly falling, or.

Rise proudly.

Imagine that I am the snowflakes, piece by piece, falling.

Beautiful, yet white.