You can tell a few new jokes to your friends

1.Clever Chieftain A certain chief has a penchant for listening to stories. One day, he feasted his guests.

At his repeated requests, an out-of-town guest told a very interesting story: the guest met a very pretentious man in the city, and the guest said to him, "Guess what I have in my pocket."

If you're right, I'll give you half of these eggs; If you can guess the number of eggs, I'll give you all 10 eggs. The man thought for a long time and said, "Friend, although I am not stupid, I cannot know everything.

I can't guess. The guest said, "Guess again, this thing is white on the outside and yellow on the inside."

Guessed it! The man exclaimed, "It must be a pile of white turnips with a bean hidden in the middle." Hearing this, the guests laughed, and the chief laughed even more.

Finally he asked, "That's a fool. Dear friend, now tell us what you have in your pocket.

2.Smart Daughter Daughter: "Mom, do you like apples?"

Mom: "I love to eat." Daughter:

Do you love it? Mom: "I love to eat."

Daughter: "Then don't buy me apples." Mom:

Why? Daughter: "You're going to eat it all along the way." ”

A joke is a word that makes people laugh. I've got some here.

Super hilarious!!

1.The principal and the English teacher visited a middle school in France together, the principal spoke in the auditorium, and the English teacher acted as an interpreter.

Principal: "Teachers and students! ”

English Teacher: "Ladies and gentlemen!" ”

Headmaster: "Ladies and gentlemen! ”

English teacher - thought for a moment and said, "Good morning!" ”

Headmaster: "Good morning! ”

English Teacher: ......=="Khan.

2.He said that there was a polar bear, because the snow was so dazzling, that he had to wear sunglasses to see things, but he couldn't find the sunglasses, so he crawled around on the ground with his eyes closed, crawling and crawling, crawling and crawling dirty to find sunglasses. Put on your sunglasses and look in the mirror, only to find out:

Oh, so I'm a panda.

A: "I beat up my dog!" **It didn't tell me before.,Usually called so happily.,Just now** I was sleeping in the nest as if nothing happened! B: "Well, after all, it's not a biological ......."And even the bricks are not abnormal, are they? ”

Injection: I went to the hospital early this morning to get a drip and was inquiring, a young mother carried a little Zhengtai into the hospital, Zhengtai innocently said: Ma Ma, what are we doing?

Ma Ma: Injections Zhengtai: Why do you need injections, what did the needle do wrong?

Doesn't the needle hurt? …Five minutes later, Shota began to roar: This is the needle hitting me, this is the needle hitting me....

Just drink plenty of water :

I always felt dizzy and tired that summer. When I arrived at the hospital, the doctor quickly prescribed the medicine. I calculated the price of the medicine, and it was more than 300 yuan.

The doctor who took the medicine told me, "Take this medicine every two hours during the day, take three tablets each time, a total of two weeks." "I've never seen a medicine like this, so I asked him hurriedly

Doctor, what disease do I have, and what disease does this medicine cure? The doctor told me very honestly, "Actually, this medicine does not cure any diseases, and all you need most now is to drink more water."

Not chengguan :

After having dinner with friends, I slipped into the night market and happened to have a *** patrol car passing by. The police lights in the distance flickered and flickered. When the vendors saw this, they packed up their things, and they were about to get ready to run away.

At this time, the people-friendly ** uncle shouted with a megaphone in the car: Don't run, it's not the city management...

Impressed: A student interviewed a large company, and admitted about fifty or sixty people to sign up. The question is: Let the examiner remember himself in the shortest possible time.

My classmate didn't say a word and gave the examiner a mouthful, so he turned around and ran away. The next day he was told to go to work. He thought about it for a long time and gave up.

Son: There are two mountains in front of Yugong's house, and he is determined to remove them. Zhisu laughed at him: How can human life be so long?

Foolishness said: After I die, I will have a son, and when my son dies, there will be a grandson, and there will be no shortage of children and grandchildren, and the mountain will always be removed. The Jade Emperor was very moved when he heard this, and sent two strong and powerful men to help their family ......Birth of a son.

One day, a couple went to the park, and the woman wanted to fart, but she was embarrassed, so she had to raise the volume of her speech, "What are we going to do later?" Then he took the opportunity to fart, but he didn't expect the boy to look at her very seriously and say, "I'm sorry, you just farted too loudly, I didn't hear you clearly!" ”

The cannibal father and son went to catch people and caught a fat man, who was too greasy. I caught a thin man again, and I thought there was too little meat. Finally, I caught a beautiful woman, and my father said

Go, take her home. "The son asked, "Then what do we eat?"

Dad said, "Eat your mom." "

There was a man who always liked to jump off a building, and then he died.

A certain woman was suddenly hijacked by gangsters during a night walk, and the gangsters asked: Why are you going! The woman was afraid of being robbed of money and said:

Go borrow money. The gangster asked again: What are you borrowing money for!

The woman was afraid of being robbed and said: I have sexually transmitted diseases and have no money to treat them. Gangster:

Get lost!! Mr. Zhang changed the name in his lover's mobile phone to the boss, and every time the lover called**, his wife said that your boss was looking for you, and when Mr. Zhang went out, he also advised: Do it well!!

Tang Seng: Dare to ask the donor, do you have oil to sell? Donor:

Who are you and what do you want oil for? Tang Seng: The poor monk is a monk sent by the Tang Dynasty to the west to learn scriptures, my BMW is out of gas, I can't drive!

Donor: I only have gutter oil, do you want it??

It must be Xiao Ming's story.

If there was a fat man walking by, you could say, "You know what would have happened if the fat man had jumped off the stairs at this time?" Did you know ?

If she doesn't know, you can tell him the answer, then he's a dead fat man! Hehehe.

The story of two elves of illness.

It is said that two mentally ill people managed to escape from the psychiatric hospital.

But you have to climb over 100 walls to get to the road.

They climbed 60 walls together, and one of them asked the other, "Dude, are you tired?" ”

He said, "It's not tiring, let's go on."

When they reached the 99th wall, one of them asked another, "Man, are you tired?" ”

So they flipped back again.

Two students who smoke are arguing about whether they can smoke while reading a book and ask the teacher for comment. Those who think you can't smoke say: Can a teacher smoke while reading a book?

The teacher said solemnly: Of course not! Students who think it's okay to smoke ask:

In fact, you don't have to deliberately tell jokes when chatting with friends, and it's not bad to talk about some hot and interesting topics at the moment.

Smile at her and salute again.