Only your jokes can make me laugh, and I ll give you as many points as you want

1. Yesterday I dreamed that God said that it could fulfill one of my wishes, I took out the globe and said that I wanted world peace, he said it was too difficult to change it, I took out your ** and said that I wanted this person to be beautiful, he pondered for a while and said that I will take a look at the globe.

2. A woman is ugly, can't get married, and hopes to be trafficked. finally made his dream come true, but he couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnappers sent it back, she resolutely did not get out of the car, and the kidnappers gritted their teeth and stomped their feet: go, the car is gone.

Years ago, Dad hugged you and waited for the car, and everyone laughed at the child's ugly looks, and Dad cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Big brother, don't cry, take a banana and give it to the monkey to eat!" It's pitiful, the hungry are hairless. ”

4. On the plane, a parrot said to the flight attendant: "Give me a glass of water", and the pig also learned from the parrot and said to the flight attendant: "Give me a glass of water", the flight attendant was furious and threw the parrot and the pig off the plane. Then the parrot said to the pig, "Be stupid, you can fly." ”

5. There was an old farmer hoeing in the field, and a crow flew by, pulled shit and fell on the old farmer's face, and the old farmer raised his head and scolded: "Rely on your mother!" I don't know how to wear a pair of pants when I go out! The raven said, "Damn! You're and wearing pants! ”

Once upon a time, there was a person who said that my jokes were not funny, and she has been single ever since.

One day, Xiao Ming went to the street to buy steamed buns.

Boss, boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns? ”

Nope"The next day, Xiao Ming went to the street to buy steamed buns again.

Boss, boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns? ”

There is no "third day." Boss, boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns? ”

There is no "fourth day."

Boss, boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns? ”

Yes, yes!! ”

Well, give me a steamed bun. ”

I also want to see jokes and do a task by the way.

It is usually said to see the effect of a joke.

When everyone was paying attention to the college entrance examination, the high school entrance examination student was angry, she leaned on the college entrance examination arms sadly, and said: "They all value you, but they don't pay attention to me!" Then the college entrance examination patted the head of the high school entrance examination and said, "Don't worry, after three years, I will make them all pay!" ”

100 My son will take the college entrance examination next year, and he has a lot of mental activity, but he has no appetite recently. So he bought this meat recipe and made his favorite soft-fried tenderloin.

He took a bite and said nothing.

I asked him how it tasted, and my son sighed and said, "Well, I think this pig died a little unjustly." ”

I didn't have any money on my mobile phone, so I sent a message to my cousin: "Help charge 10 yuan phone bill, and I will pay you back tomorrow." ”

Accidentally pressed into **! When I looked at it in the morning, there were 28 unread messages, 15 said "I don't need to pay it back", 4 said "I remember to start school", and the rest said "charged", and then, a sister paper said "Charge 20, and I like you!" ”

Well, earn 150 phone bills, and add a sister paper, is this a beautiful mistake?

Once upon a time, there was a neurology hospital with a thousand walls to prevent the neuropathic from escaping. One day, two neuropaths were climbing the wall, and when they reached the tenth wall, one of the neuropaths said, "Are you tired?"

Another said, "Not tired." So they climbed again.

When they reached the hundredth wall, a neurotic asked, "Are you tired?" The other said:

Not tired. So they climbed again. When they climbed the 9,999th wall, a neurotic said:

Tired or not? Another said, "I'm tired."

The first neuropathy said, "Then go back!" ”

They started to climb back!

There is a **, playing ** while walking, walking and walking, hanging.

1. When I was in high school, one day after school, our teaching director wore a very dirty coat and waited for his colleague on a motorcycle at the school gate, but a freshman ran over, patted him on the shoulder and said kindly: Master, send me to the Golden Sunshine Internet Cafe....

2. A classmate in the dormitory went to the toilet, played with his mobile phone, and carefully dropped the mobile phone, and then, he went back and took a pair of chopsticks to prepare to clip them out.

When this classmate was about to get off the chopsticks, a buddy came in the toilet, and when he saw this scene, he asked with concern, "Brothers, haven't eaten yet?" ”.

3. There is a sister in the dormitory. A classmate asked her: "If your boyfriend has nothing left, will you still love him?" ”

The sisters are: "Do you still breathe?" ”

4. When I was in college, I chased a girl and confessed several times, but the girl did not respond. Finally, one day, the girl texted me and told me that I should go to the Yellow River on the weekend. I was so excited that I didn't sleep well at night.

On the weekend, I was invited to the Yellow River beach. After walking for a while, the girl said, I have something I have always wanted to say to you....I was so excited, I thought there was a drama in this matter, so I said, you say, I'll listen. She said

The Yellow River has also seen it, this time it's dead! ”

A woman got off the night shift, a man followed the plot, the woman was afraid, passed by the cemetery, and said to the grave: Dad, I'm back, open the door. The man was terrified, screaming and running.

The woman was at peace and was about to leave, when suddenly a gloomy voice came from the grave: "Girl, you forgot to bring the key again." The woman was frightened and ran away.

At this time, a tomb robber came out of the grave and said: Damn, delay my work, scare you to death! As soon as the words of tomb robbing fell, I found that an old man next to me was carving a tombstone with a chisel, curious, and asked, the old man said angrily, they carved my name wrong ......The great fear of robbing the tomb, waw wow screaming and running.

The old man sneered: "Damn, dare to steal business with me, and be a little more ......tender."As he was talking, the chisel accidentally fell to the ground, and the old man was about to pick it up, when he bent down and found that the chisel was held in one hand in the grass, the old man was startled, and suddenly a voice said: "You are looking for death!"

Changing the house number of my house!! "The old man is rolling down the hill!

At this moment, a scavenger crawled out of the grass, "Damn, it takes so much money to make a piece of iron."

Everyone who loves to shake their legs has a sewing machine in their hearts.

When I was a child, I just learned to ride a bicycle, and I didn't know how to run on the street, and when I saw an old man walking in front of me, I felt like I was going to bump into it, so I yelled, don't move, don't move. The old man stood there and didn't move, but I turned around and bumped into it. The old man stood up and said, "You aim."

I was embarrassed to death.

If you buy a lottery ticket tomorrow, you will definitely win 5 million!

I went to the store to eat cold drinks and found that the spoon in the store was very good-looking, so I called the waiter: "Your spoon is very good-looking, can you give it to us in a while" The waiter said coldly: "No, there are regulations in the store that tableware cannot be given away"!!

Me: "What if I steal?" The waiter was stunned. . .

I'm just a joke!

11.My creativity is indescribable, my ability to work is indescribable, and my writing skills are indescribable.

12.If Bill Gates gets a dollar every time the computer restarts, he's going to send it.

13.Ten years later, the court sentenced the murderer to death for the second time.

14.I pretended to work for my boss, who pretended to pay me.

15.My wife and I hadn't spoken in 18 months, and I didn't have a chance to interrupt her.

16.Have you ever heard the story of the big pig saying yes and the little pig saying no?

17.I never watch TV, I just constantly check the TV shows in the newspaper for typographical errors.

18.Your eyes are like the bright moon in the sky, a new moon; A fifteen.

19.Why are you ignorant kid? Uncle is here, why did you think to go to the zoo to see the bears?

20.My eyesight is very poor, for example, do you see that pushpin on the wall over there? You can see it, and I can't see it.