What should I do if I don t have a good idea of parenting with the elderly?

First of all, from the concept of the elderly, the elderly are experienced a lot of things, there are a lot of experience of people, their general experience is very correct, there is a good saying, "do not listen to the old man, suffer in front of you", that is to say, many of the old people's views are reasonable, as young people must be selective to listen to the advice of the elderly, after all, they are elders, we have to respect, and their experience may benefit us.

When educating children, the concept of the elderly can also be used, but there will be a certain difference between the concept of the elderly and the young, for example, young people are more fashionable, and they like to dress their children in good-looking clothes, but the elderly always focus on keeping warm, and at this time the two people will have a violent conflict.

But young people must first learn to take a step back and think, what to wear differently, the most important thing is to keep children warm, in fact, the concept of the elderly is still very right, and they must learn to mediate the relationship between the two parties. Don't let family conflicts be exacerbated by a little thing.

When the concept of the old man is wrong, because after all, the times are different, as the daughter-in-law of the young man, he must patiently explain to the old man, and the old man is reasonable.

I remember once on the night of Chinese New Year's Eve, three or four-year-old children and adults watched the Spring Festival Gala until the early hours of the morning. After that, the adults were talking, drinking and playing until two or three o'clock. The child was still reluctant to sleep with him, so he took the child to the bedroom.

The child cried, and then the old man yelled, saying that the child who was older for the New Year didn't want to sleep, so let it be lively, and what if he didn't sleep. So the child looked at me triumphantly and rushed out of the bedroom. I was helpless.

In many cases, we have different philosophies from the elderly. As the saying goes, the next generation. Old people seem to have some doting, child-friendly traits.

But we know that the good rules and habits that we have worked so hard to cultivate can be destroyed in a few minutes before the old man is present.

Therefore, from now on, before going to the elderly, I have to give the children vaccinations in advance. Regardless of whether or not this statement has a role behind it, it is better to say anything than not to say anything. For example, how long to watch TV, what time to go to bed, what time to wake up, etc., I always tell the child in advance, pull the hook, and let him be a child who keeps his promises.

In front of the elderly, if there is a conflict with the concept of parenting and the elderly. Don't confront the old man head-on, don't justify, don't confront the old man's approach, and then tell the child the truth of the matter in private, hoping that the child can understand.

Nowadays, most parents are busy with work due to the pressure of life and take less care of their children, so they will choose grandparents or grandparents to help take care of their children. There will be more or less differences in the concept of parenting between young parents and elders.

How to achieve three generations in the same house and win-win parenting?

1. Respect and understanding.

First of all, we must understand the intentions and dedication of grandparents to children, with a grateful heart. Sometimes the elderly can't stand the children's pampering parents, we don't blame the grandparents in front of the children, this is not done well and that is not right. We can wait for the child to fall asleep and communicate with the grandparents.

2. High-quality parent-child companionship The company of parents is very important for children's childhood, parents can put down their mobile phones when they get home, and accompany their children to read picture books, play with blocks, ride scooters... At this time, the baby is the follower of Mom and Dad.

3. Drive the whole family to learn together.

For example, the tool card encouragement, non-verbal, limited choices, etc. in positive discipline that we learn together, so that the elderly continue to accept new parenting ideas and methods, and get closer to the parenting concepts of young people, which will reduce disagreements.

In short, when a family of three generations has a disagreement in parenting, it is necessary to pay attention to communication skills and methods, respect and understand the elderly, and let the children grow up healthy and happy in the family environment.

I am Wei Hua, also Mi Ma, a practical parent-child education expert, an expert in children's learning ability improvement research, and the author of parenting books: "Shhh

With the development of the times, in China, there are more and more working mothers, and many mothers have to return to work after maternity leave, so they have to face the problem of no one to take their children, so they can only let the elderly at home help take care of their children. There is also the opening of the two-child policy now, many families choose to have two treasures, and the mother can't bring the two babies alone, so she will also ask the elderly to help take care of the children together. This phenomenon is so common in China that almost all families are elderly people with children.

In the process of helping us take care of our children, someone can help us solve many problems, such as no one to take the child when he is sick, and he has something to go out, etc., which provides us with a lot of convenience, and the elderly also pay a lot for this. However, many of us are inconsistent with the parenting concepts and methods of the elderly, which will also cause a lot of problems, many conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and the relationship with family members, many times in the process of raising children.

Older people have gained experience and results in the process of raising their own children, and they will continue to bring the previous parenting style to our children, which will last a lifetime, so it is also difficult to change. At the same time, the elderly themselves will be more doting on their children, and do everything according to their children's ideas, which may make parents worry that their children will be difficult to discipline. Many times when parents are educating their children, most of the elderly will come out to speak for their children, or have disputes with parents, which will put parents in a dilemma.

So when the concept of parenting is inconsistent with the elderly, we must first thank the elderly with gratitude for their hard work in helping us take care of our children. Then, we can use my sentence form with the elderly to express our feelings and thoughts, and try to be as consistent as possible in the concept of educating children. It's hard to do that, but it's worth the effort.

When we are grateful, we don't get caught up in complaining situations so that we don't hurt the elderly and children. Secondly, we must see that the elderly's concept of parenting can of course be different from ours, not necessarily the elderly's concept of parenting is wrong, everything has two sides, see the good side, respect the way the elderly. It is believed that children who grow up in a harmonious family atmosphere will be flexible in dealing with different parenting styles.

At the same time, what we need to know is that we are the parents of our children, and our influence on our children is far greater than that of the elderly, so just be yourself, and don't be too entangled in the old man's parenting concept and our discord.

After giving birth to a child, parents and the elders in the family have different parenting concepts, because the elders in the family feel that they are very experienced, but parents hope to be able to educate their children in a scientific way. Therefore, parents often have conflicts with the elders in the family because of different parenting concepts.

In addition, young parents like to use diapers for their children, because diapers are convenient and hygienic to use, and they don't have to wash them by hand, but the elderly feel that this kind of diapers are not breathable, and it is a waste of money, so they like to use traditional diapers. In fact, this is the difference in the consumption concept of the two generations, because parents think that it is normal to use diapers, but the elderly feel that this kind of disposable thing is very wasteful, so there are corresponding differences in the use of diapers or diapers.

The parenting concept of parents and grandparents is different, because the education received by both parties since childhood is different, but these can be solved, for example, when parents take their children for physical examination, they can take the elderly and ask the doctor how to solve it in front of the elderly. The old man may feel that what his children say is wrong, but the old man will definitely follow the doctor's advice.

At this time, you need to communicate with your elders, and you also need to establish a standard with your elders, so that you can have a consistent view when educating your children.

After all, the other party is an elder and older than himself, so he should tolerate the other party more in life, so that the other party will feel that he is a filial person.

You should adjust your mentality, sit down and talk to your elders, and you can analyze the pros and cons for your elders.

1. Express directly in small things, and the way of expression is still to use my information, and do not blame the other party.

Don't get to the bottom of things, especially the little things. For example, some elderly people like to pee on their children, or remind their children to pee. If you don't like this method, you just tell the other person that children have their own physical needs, and I am worried that this will cause stress on the child's mind, which is his own business.

So some little things are to express themselves and talk to the old man in time.

2. If you say a different point of view, the other party is unhappy and emotional, you must empathize with the other party and see his unhappiness.

It is also very hard for the elderly to take care of our children, and it also brings us a lot of convenience. Before asking the elderly to help, we must have considered and weighed it.

So we have to learn to accept, don't let the old people take care of the children, the old people are very hard, and let them accept our complaints, if this is the case, then the relationship will really be bad.

You can be honest with your opinions, change the results or not, don't have too many expectations, change is sometimes difficult.

If you express it, the old man does not change, you have to learn to accept it. If you express it, the old man has emotions, and he thinks: I am kind, I came to bring you the child, and you find fault everywhere.

The way to make him happy is to empathize with him. In the same way, he just takes out what the other party does and pays and sees it in his eyes and behind the other party. So you say:

I know that when you are also good for the child, the old man was treated in the same way, and he felt very comfortable, feeling that his contribution was seen by you and understood.

3. Start by changing the environment.

We start by changing our environment, not by others. For example, as soon as the child goes out, the elderly buy a lot of junk food, and you can't take care of it when you are not at home, causing the child to not eat well, then you can buy some relatively healthy snacks and put them at home.

Most of the time in the family, the elderly or wife will take care of the children, while the father will take the initiative to take care of the children. This situation arises mainly because the father is given the main economic ** of the family, and takes on more social responsibilities in the family and society.

Compared to the responsibility of the elderly and his wife to take care of the children, the father will be very few.

Fortunately, many fathers now begin to attach great importance to the education and companionship of their children, and they also want to leave many fathers to accompany their children during their children's growth. But as long as dad wants to be involved in family parenting, will everything go well? Not necessarily, there are often a lot of annoyances, such as the child wants to play smart games with his father, and the body language with a large range of movements.

At this time, as the elderly and wife of the family, they will want the children to sit down and do some homework or just sit quietly and rest.

Often when such ideas are different, it is best to communicate with the adults at home in advance about the child's teaching and cultivation when they all want to participate in the child's education, explain their own ideas, or after many times of communication and negotiation, make effective arrangements for the child's time, which can not only ensure the child's daily learning and life, enrich the child's extracurricular life, but also feel the different ways of love given by all adults in the family.

This class allows all family members in an organization like a parent-child park to participate, and you can interact with many families and do family tasks arranged by the organization, such as how to find good tools to set up a camping tent. In this class fight, all members of the family should use their own responsibilities to do this well.

In the process of being a director, you will encounter different opinions. In order to do things well and give children a good example, adults need to talk more calmly with each other and find ways to talk about it from the perspective of mutual understanding. These will be very useful ways to resolve conflicts and contradictions.

In addition, family parent-child classes can also be held at home from time to time to learn excellent parenting methods and concepts together, so that every adult can see their own shortcomings in this meaningful class, and see the extremely bad negative results that such old-fashioned parenting methods will bring to children, especially for the elderly who like to spoil their children. It is more convincing and positive to let the other party properly see the scientific view of parenting than to directly point out the shortcomings of the elderly and their wives.

Negotiate a settlement. Because only by negotiating together will there be no conflicts in the future, so they should be resolved through negotiation.

Communicate patiently. Whether it is parents, the elderly, or different education methods, it is the common goal of family members to let children grow up healthily. With such a goal, Yu Xuanshi and the old man spoke well, showed true feelings, and reasoned with respect.

I'm sure the old man won't say anything. And it can better cooperate with us to do a good job in parenting.