What s so funny a little bit of joke

A woman was walking at night, and suddenly saw a man walking towards her with open arms, making a hug gesture, and stepping forward with a kick. The man fell to the ground and cried, saying, "It's the third piece, who did I provoke, is it so difficult to bring a piece of glass home?"

3 Ge You went to the toilet Once, Ge You invited a friend to dinner, went to the toilet halfway, and when he came back, his pants were wet. Friend: Why are your pants wet?

Ge You: Ever since I became famous, I've been doing this a lot. Friend:

How often? Ge You: Not really!

Often the person next to him peed and suddenly turned around and shouted: "Isn't this Ge You!" ”

Someone called Xiao Ming again, but Xiao Ming didn't hear it.

1. Yesterday I dreamed that God said that it could fulfill one of my wishes, I took out the globe and said that I wanted world peace, he said it was too difficult to change it, I took out your ** and said that I wanted this person to be beautiful, he pondered for a while and said that I will take a look at the globe.

2. A woman is ugly, can't get married, and hopes to be trafficked. finally made his dream come true, but he couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnappers sent it back, she resolutely did not get out of the car, and the kidnappers gritted their teeth and stomped their feet: go, the car is gone.

Years ago, Dad hugged you and waited for the car, and everyone laughed at the child's ugly looks, and Dad cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Big brother, don't cry, take a banana and give it to the monkey to eat!" It's pitiful, the hungry are hairless. ”

4. On the plane, a parrot said to the flight attendant: "Give me a glass of water", and the pig also learned from the parrot and said to the flight attendant: "Give me a glass of water", the flight attendant was furious and threw the parrot and the pig off the plane. Then the parrot said to the pig, "Be stupid, you can fly." ”

5. There was an old farmer hoeing in the field, and a crow flew by, pulled shit and fell on the old farmer's face, and the old farmer raised his head and scolded: "Rely on your mother!" I don't know how to wear a pair of pants when I go out! The raven said, "Damn! You're and wearing pants! ”

A shopkeeper is dying, and the whole family is gathered around the bedside.

He asked, "John, my son, is he there?" ”

He asked, "Is Kath, my daughter, here?" ”

At this point, the merchant asked, "Then who is taking care of the store?" ”

Hilarious slip of the tongue.

Chinese Laughing Forest.

Not a joke for children.

Ancient jokes. Campus jokes.

Celebrity humor. Foreign jokes.

Modern jokes. Humorous essays.

You absolutely love it!

1. Underbeaten.

After sitting down, the master asked him if he would wash his hair, he hesitated, agreed, and chose shampoo, and the master washed his head twice very seriously. Returning to his seat, the master wiped his head and asked, "What are you going to get a haircut?"

The benevolent brother looked at the mirror for a long time and said, "I want to shave my head ......."”

2. Gastrointestinal diseases.

An old man went to the doctor and told him that he had a gastrointestinal problem.

The doctor asked him, "Do you have regular bowel movements?" ”

Very regular, poop on time at eight o'clock every morning. ”

So what questions do you have? ”

The problem is, I don't get up until nine o'clock every morning. ”

Doctor: "....3. Before marriage:

Him: Hooray, it's finally here! I can't wait!

Her: Can I leave?

Him: No! You don't even have to think about it!

Her: Do you love me?

Him: Of course! Her: Will you betray me?

Him: No, how can you think that?

Her: Will you kiss me?

Him: Yes! Her: Will you hit me?

Him: Not at any rate!

Her: Can I trust you?

Read from the bottom up after marriage!

1. The husband made his wife angry again, and the wife nagged: "In this world, you are the one who makes me love and hate me!" ”

The husband hurriedly smiled and said, "No, I'm only in third place." ”

The wife was confused: "Ranked third? Who else? ”

The husband said, "And mirrors and scales." ”

A buddy is constipated, one day in the public toilet for a long time without moving, then I heard a person outside hurriedly run to the next door, slammed the door shut, and then heard a crackling sound, this guy said enviously:"You're so happy, I can't get off after squatting for a long time! "

The next door was silent for a long time, and scolded:"It hurts you, I haven't taken off my pants yet! "

A lame man applied for a job in a company, and the company manager asked him, what are your specialties, and the lame man took a step forward with his left leg and said confidently; I have a long left leg.

The reporter interviewed an old woman! The reporter asked: "What do you think about the random setting off of firecrackers in the city?" Grandmother: "What else can I see?" It's just climbing the window to see ......”

There is a buddy who works in a bank, just worked, teller. One day, I complained about it, and said: **, I met an old lady today, and I had to complain about me, saying that I was ugly, and she forgot the password. . .

There is no more naughty child than my nephew! During the Spring Festival, he hid a small firecracker in one of my cigarettes, and I handed it to a relative who came to pay New Year's greetings and lit a ...... for him

Student: "Teacher, is the ink used by Li Bai white?" Teacher: "No. ”

Student: "Then why does the book say that Li Bai is too white?" ”

In order to train the new little cop in the police station, a police officer gave him eight different forms of ** of the same robber.

Not long after, the little policeman walked into the police officer's room with an excited face: "Report to the police officer, seven of the eight robbers have been killed on the spot, and one is still on the run!" ”

I went out to play yesterday and got drenched in the rain, and I went to the hospital early this morning to get a drip and was asking for a ......Cut ......A young mother carried a little Zhengtai into the hospital, Zhengtai innocently said: Mama, what are we doing here?

Ma Ma: Injections

Shota: Why do you need to get an injection, what did the needle do wrong? Doesn't the needle hurt?

Five minutes later, Shota began to roar: This is the needle hitting me, this is the needle hitting me....

2.The boyfriend and girlfriend slept in the same room, and the woman drew a line: it was the beast that crossed the line. When I woke up, I found that the man really didn't cross the line, and the woman slapped the man hard: You are not as good as a beast! -

1.There is a fill-in-the-blank question called "not at all", there is a multiple-choice question called "everything looks right", there is a calculation question called crying while doing, there is a practical question called "getting up and collapsing", there is a proof question called proving your sister, there is a kind of exam scope called "the whole book must be tested", and there is a kind of exam focus called "what I have talked about is the key" ......

2.A buddy is a bit of a second, he graduated from college, and he caught the head of a pyramid scheme some time ago, and he didn't want to try it, because the evidence was conclusive, so he let this buddy go, but the trial lasted until the middle of the night, and he disappeared with the suspect. Later, when I caught the person back, I found out that this product was actually persuaded by the MLM leader

3.When I was in college, I went to an Internet café and sat at the end of a large row of machines, and after a while, the whole row of machines went out of power. Players make all kinds of trouble, smashing the mouse and smashing the keyboard.

The webmaster came over and saw that I had kicked the socket open. He plugged in and didn't say anything, and after a while I kicked it away again, and the webmaster came over and said, "Let's go!"

If you know the game, we can't guarantee your safety!

4..I bought a live fish, my mother was scraping the scales, only to hear a "wow" sound my mother scraped the blood on my hands, so my father took over, and after a while I heard a "ah" sound Sure enough, my father also scraped his hands and blood flowed, I rolled up my sleeves and prepared to take over, only to see my father grinning according to the wound and said: Don't come, leave a pair of good hands to wash the dishes!

The president of Peking University said to students who are in love: "Peking University is a place to cultivate elites, statistics show that successful people are on average 12 years older than their spouses, elites are 17 years older than their spouses, and if they win the Nobel Prize, they may be 54 years older than their spouses. The male students unanimously replied

We're trying to please our future mother-in-law!

Whose phone.

A few people were in the golf locker room, a mobile phone rang for a long time, and a man pressed the hands-free button.

F: Honey, are you in the club? M: Yes.

F: I saw a BMW that was less than two million. Man: Buy.

F: And that real estate is on the market again, 60,000 square meters. M: Buy.

F: I love you so much. M: I love you too.

The man next to him was dumbfounded in admiration.

The man hung up ** and asked: Whose phone is this?

A while ago, I was taking a bus in Guangdong, and I saw a motorcycle outside the window, guess what his license plate number was?