What is it like to be nice to others but not get the same treatment back?

In fact, for those whose personality itself is relatively narrow and dark, or who have some borderline personality disorder and whose personality is particularly weak and unable to use the "self" to integrate the instinctive bad emotional feelings in the "self", sometimes your goodness, sincerity, kindness and tolerance are "provoked". Because your good reflects his badness, your sincerity reflects his insincerity, your kindness and tolerance reflect his selfishness and narrow-mindedness, and he is jealous of these valuable qualities that you cannot have. He sees that you have all these qualities and you have the ability to help others, and you have nothing.

No matter who you are, you will use different psychological defense mechanisms many times a day to feel better. For example, after the defense of "rationalization", even a bad person will not feel like a bad person in his own world. He will feel that he is doing everything right, even if it is wrong, there is a bitterness behind it.

When defenses are torn apart, it can make people feel angry and provoke great hostility. When you treat a person with a problematic personality sincerely, kindly, and without regard for anything in return, your sincerity and kindness shine a light on his humility and tear through the defenses he weaves. Under your reflection, he found that there were really such good people in the world, so the "rationalization" reason that he had made up for himself in the past "everyone is very bad and selfish, so I can also be cold-blooded" was shattered, and you made him clearly realize that he was indeed a person who was not sincere or warm.

At this moment, he has to face his true self - and he has not been able to accept this true self, so he has a huge hostility towards you who forced him to see his true self.

We used to have huge expectations for interpersonal interactions, always thinking that our relationships with others must be intimate, and putting too much effort into interpersonal relationships. However, the practice of putting in a variety of efforts in a simple communication has put a huge burden on us from a certain moment. Plus"I've done it, and so should you"Thoughts can also inadvertently add a burden to the other person, and I, who is committed to the most worrying outcome in all interpersonal relationships, feels that it is becoming more and more difficult to interact with others, and now we feel that there are no real interpersonal relationships in this world at all, and finally make ourselves gradually isolated.

There are not a few people like this. Research has shown that people who have unrealistically high expectations of others or relationships are often frustrated by being too demanding. In addition to this, they are more likely to get angry at others, get into disputes with others, laugh at others, and feel lonely.

If you are surrounded by people who do not trust others easily and sneer at others, then you should think carefully about whether they have too high expectations and expectations of others. In real life, unrealistic demands on others and high self-standards are the real problems in interpersonal interactions. People with perfectionism that point to others take their standards for granted and are unaware of the harm that their standards are doing to others in their relationships.

This type of person will blame others for their interpersonal problems, because others cannot meet the standards that are taken for granted, so they tend to blame others with one mouth. It's also important to note that when we think or feel about others, we often make inferences based on our own experiences. Therefore, they will demand strict standards from each other, and at the same time, they will think that the other party will hold themselves to strict standards, so that there will be a big crisis in our relationships.

It's not that the world is too complicated and you're too simple, but that your sincerity doesn't necessarily bring happiness and comfort to the person who gets your sincerity. Feelings are complex because the human psyche is complex. It's like a person who is a favor, a person who borrows money from others, yes, he really needs this favor and this loan, and he does feel grateful to you in his heart, but at the same time, he may have a sense of humiliation in his heart that he has to ask you for help, and he may also feel jealousy and hostility towards you who has the ability to help him and lend him money, because he himself does not have such ability.

He may resent the bad birth or the injustice of the circumstances, and he may feel jealous of you who seems to have been smooth sailing or able to overcome fate, and will transfer resentment towards his fate to you. Diametrically opposed emotions exist in the human heart at the same time. That's the complexity of people.

So, your actions may not necessarily be treated the same as others, and the weight of the response may change, and even the nature of the response may change.

Sometimes you will encounter such problems, for example, you personally think that the person who is better with you has a birthday, you spend all your efforts, regardless of the ** to buy a gift for him, you think that when you have a birthday, he will also give you a gift, but when it is really your birthday, he is indifferent, he will feel very lost, feel that you are so good to others, but when it comes to you, no one will care about you, and the heart will still be very sour. I think that I will not be good to anyone in the future, you treat others as friends, what about others, you may be nothing in other people's hearts, but when you see him, he says something to you, you can't help but go, and then chatting and chatting and thinking: Forget it, it's not a big deal, since you take him as a friend, he will see you in the eyes of others, and you know it in your heart.

Maybe this is friendship, sometimes you can't just think about reciprocating, is making friends like exchanging gifts for each other on each other's birthdays? The important thing is that the friendship is good, after all, friends are also essential in growing up.

This shows that you take the other person too seriously, and the other person enjoys the feeling of being taken seriously by you. When I was in school before, I knew a very hypocritical friend, she always felt that you were good to her because she was beautiful and there were many people of the opposite sex around her, and you would get some peach blossoms if you followed her. But I don't have that mentality, I just think that since you can treat me as a friend, I will treat it sincerely.

So when we got along at that time, I always felt that I was begging to be friends with her, and I would be asked to help her do anything. Later, I couldn't take it anymore and distanced myself from her, and she started to come back to me again. But I only treat her as an ordinary friend, because people don't live for one person.

I'm not obligated to do anything to hurt myself for her, so it's better not to have a friend like this.

I feel disappointed that I haven't been reciprocated for my kindness.

A person's attitude and behavior towards others are generally determined by their own goals, feelings, state of mind, social environment and other factors, and cannot be completely equal, other people's thoughts and situations are different from yours, so it is not surprising that the way you treat you is different from the way you treat him. There may be the ingratitude you think, or there may be a normal response, but your expectations do not take into account the reality of the situation, only the moral rules.

Some people will take it for granted that you are good to her, so don't blindly give your feelings, treat people who don't know how to be grateful, and don't be too nice.

It's a very unfair experience, I did this to you and I wish you did the same to me, but you didn't do it, I feel very sad and disappointed.

Being very good to others, even violating one's own bottom line of principles, gets habitual neglect instead of respect. For example, in the unit, the good old man. Whatever the leader says is what it is; Colleagues never shirk when they help; He is always the one who stays on duty in the unit on vacation.

But when it comes to him, others will say that he is a good person. But few people will respect a good old man who has no bottom line of principles.

Feelings are not transactions, and if you feel that your feelings are not getting the feedback they deserve, then I think your feelings are starting to be transactional. Love, like giving gifts to each other, if you give me a little, I will give you a little. It is better to be good to others than to be someone else's confidant tree, and it is better to think for others and consider others if you are good to others.

In this way, others will feel that you are not only a "mother" role, but also a "close friend of the heart". Who doesn't love to have a close friend who thinks about themselves.

Just get used to it. Some people think that you should be good to him, so when he doesn't treat you equally, there will naturally be a gap in his heart, so it's good to get used to it.