Jokes, proverbs, humorous stories, 10 more, are urgently needed

It is said that once Zhuge Liang, Liu Bei, Sun Quan, and Cao Cao were on the same plane, and suddenly encountered an emergency and needed to parachute to escape. Only then did it turn out that there were only three parachute bags left on board. Everyone was nervous for a while, and then I saw Zhuge Liang shaking his feather fan to clear his throat and say:

In this way, if the mountain man asks a few questions, and if he can answer them, he will parachute, and if he can't answer them, he will have to jump down by himself." The others had no choice but to agree. Zhuge Liang shook the feather fan again and asked Liu Bei:

So I took an umbrella bag and went down. Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again: "How many moons are there in the sky?"

Unexpectedly, he jumped into the sea and picked up a life. Cao Cao secretly rejoiced. The second time four people encountered an emergency on the plane, the four of them discussed, yes, it's still the old way.

Battle of Makino. Zhuge Liang nodded, so Liu Bei took an umbrella bag and went down. Zhuge Liang asked Sun Quan again:

How many people died in that battle? Sun Quan thought for a while and said, "There are about thirty or forty thousand."

Zhuge nodded, Sun Quan took an umbrella bag and went down, Cao Cao couldn't help but snickered and thought: "Zhuge Liang, Zhuge Liang, I am through the past and the present, especially in the military, this time you are planted, hehe!" I saw Zhuge Liang asking

What are they called? Cao Cao almost fainted when he heard this, so he had to jump off by himself. Unexpectedly, he jumped into the sea again and picked up a life.

Cao Cao laughed secretly: "MD, Lao Tzu's life is big, see what you Zhuge old man can do with me?!" "The third time the same four people took the plane, and the plane encountered an emergency, Cao Cao thought about it, the old man Zhuge wanted to fix me again, so I just jumped down and forgot it myself, so as not to be insulted.

So he jumped down and descended at high speed in the air. I could only hear Zhuge Liang's laughter above: "Cao Cao, Cao Cao, you are smart for a lifetime, haha, there are four parachutes on the plane today!"

Cao Cao: "Ah--- fainted.

Monk with an umbrella - lawlessness. (No hair and no law).

Lunar weather - move your hands and feet. (frozen hands and feet).

A father kowtows to his son—how can it be justified? (How can this be done?)

Stone-throwing in public toilets – causing public outrage. (causing public feces).

Husband patted the fan - desolate. (Tsuma Ryo).

Xiucai's empty coffin was buried--- no one was in sight. (There is no one in the wood).

Wang Bazhong explained the rules of the Yuan ---. (Kameju).

Peanuts --- have to be noisy. (Must be fried).

The cobbler does not carry an awl--- is true. (needle row).

It is --- right for the girl of the He family to marry the Zheng family. (Cheng Ho).

The monk's house --- wonderful. (Temple).

Why bother washing yellow lotus by the river--- (River Bitter).

Dreaming of becoming a butterfly--- thinking about what is wrong. (I want to fly in).

Monkeys learn to walk--- pretending to be a fool. (False orangutans).

Hardcover Moutai has been --- for a long time. (Good wine).

Spiders pull webs --- selfish. (self-filament).

The blind man carries the blind man--- and he is more busy. (blind on blind).

Take a walk in the watermelon field--- left and right. (left and right).

Take off your old shoes and replace them with new ones--- change your ways. (Changed shoes to be corrected).

Burlap sacks, grass cloth sacks--- generation is not as good as the generation. (A bag is not as good as a bag).

The beans at the bottom of the bowl --- vividly. (grains in the eye).

Zhuge Liang turned --- face did not change color and his heart did not beat.

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said: "Pickles, please sausage and pickle!" ”

Translation: Now the mayor of the township is invited to speak! ）

Don't want pickles, I'll pick up a shit for you to lick

Translation: Don't speak, I'll tell you a story).

A county magistrate with a strong accent came to the village to make a report: "Rabbits, shrimps, pig tails!" Don't pickle melon, pickles are too expensive!! ”

Translation: Comrades, villagers, pay attention! Don't speak, it's time for the meeting!! )

The coach said: "The first class kills chickens, the second class steals eggs, and I will cook porridge for you." ”

Translation: The first shift shoots, the second shift throws bombs, and I'll demonstrate to you. ）

A foreign girl married to China, at breakfast, she was instructed to say that she couldn't eat fritters: "You dip and eat." ”

She immediately stood up and was told again, "You dip and eat!" ”

She was confused and said aggrievedly: "Let me eat standing up, I've stood up, where else are I going to stand?" ”

F: Put it on!

M: It's better not to wear it.

F: Wear a safety point.

M: Trust my skills.

F: If you don't wear it, you won't be allowed to get on it.

M: If you don't wear it, you look like a man.

F: Are you annoyed? Will you die wearing a helmet on a motorcycle?

Lao Dong is a native of Henan, came to the south to eat breakfast, and asked as soon as he entered the door"Miss. How much is sleeping (dumplings) a night (bowl)?

The waiter was very upset and said:"No. Only steamed buns.

Lao Dong said:"Oh, and it's okay to touch (steamed buns). "The waiter was extremely annoyed and scolded

Rogue! "Lao Dong was extremely surprised"Six cents?

It's so cheap! "

The sheep hit** to the eagle, and the eagle picked it up ** and said "Hey, Yang Fengyin" (sheep phone eagle feed).

There were ten sheep, nine squatting in the sheepfold and one squatting in the pigsty

One day, Cao Cao and Liu Bei drank and talked about heroes. The two drank a few glasses, and Liu Bei suddenly let out a fart, very embarrassed. When he was in embarrassment, he only heard Guan Yu behind him say calmly: "Don't be surprised, the fart comes from the feather (rain)!" ”

As soon as Guan Yu's voice fell, Zhao Yun on the side took a step forward and said, "Don't be surprised, farts come from the clouds!" ”

As soon as Zhao Yun finished speaking, Zhang Fei continued to shout: "A fart just now, the fart is flying!" ”

Everyone burst into laughter. Liu Bei has also returned to normal.

Cao Cao didn't laugh, he was deeply touched by this matter. After sending Liu Bei and the others away, Cao Cao said to his subordinates: "Liu Bei's subordinates, when they saw that the lord had a mistake, they all rushed to take responsibility and make up for it, which can really be described as loyal. If it's your turn, will it be possible? ”

Everyone was indignant and thought, "Isn't it just a, what's so difficult about this!" ”

A few days later, Cao Cao invited Liu Bei to drink again, and during the banquet he wanted to fart to see how his subordinates reacted. After holding it for a long time, I finally held back a little fart. Everyone had been waiting for a long time, and when they heard the sound of "goo", the general Xu Chu hurriedly shouted first: "The fart was put by Chu (pig)!" ”

Wang Lang followed closely and said: "The fart was put by Lang (wolf)!" ”

Cao Cao widened his eyes when he heard this, and the others thought that Cao Cao thought he was slow, so they all rushed to grab him, and Xiahou Dun argued: "The fart is Dun (jumping)!" ”

Wrong! Xu Huang retorted loudly when he heard it, "The fart is dangling!" ”

Xun You said: "The fart is from You! ”

Full pet said: "The fart is a pet (rush)!" ”

Jiang Ji said: "The fart is squeezed (squeezed)!" ”

Guo Tu said: "The fart is from the figure (spit)!" ”

Zhong Xuan said: "The fart is from the fart (shake)!" ”

Then. Niu Jin: "The fart is gold (gold)!" ”

Cao Hong: "The fart is Hong (red)!" ”

Zhang Nan: "The fart is south (blue)!" ”

Cao Cao was already red-faced and about to get angry.

Guo Jia continued: "The fart is from Jia (clip)!" ”

Liu Bei and the others were already smiling.

Cao Cao fainted angrily.

After the break: The nephew beats the lantern - as usual (uncle) Confucius moves - the net is to lose (book) Burn the flagpole - sigh (charcoal) The dung pit closes the knife - Wen (Wen) can't either, and Wu (cover) can't. It doesn't rain for 100 days - long-term love (sunny).

Proverb: 1The amount is small, not a gentleman, non-toxic and not a husband.

2.No mortal shall be a man, and no man shall be measured, and the sea shall not be measured. 3.

If no one knows, they must not do it themselves. 4.Good medicine is good for disease, and good advice is good for action.

5.When the narrow road meets, the brave wins.

Joke: The most bullish emperor.

It is said that Tang Zhongzong Li Xian is the best emperor in history, why is this? Because he himself is the emperor, his father is the emperor, his younger brother is the emperor, his son is the emperor, his nephew is the emperor, and what is worse is that his mother is also the emperor. So history gave him a very glorious name: the Six Emperor Pills.

Breast augmentation slogan: No big deal.