Jokes The kind of squirting rice, hilarious and funny long jokes

One day they met God while they were shopping! They said to God that they had all died miserably, and they wanted to let them go to heaven! God reluctantly said that there were now too many occupants of heaven and it was full.

But now there is still a spot! Say, whoever dies the worst will go to heaven! So, the first ghost began to say ......

I was a cleaner when I was alive. It's hard work! From morning to night!

One day, I was cleaning glass outside a building! It's the kind of high-altitude dangerous work that hangs outside! On the 30th floor!

Suddenly, my foot slipped and I fell! I thought, it's over! I'm going to die!

But survival instincts keep me scratching unconsciously! Luckily, I grabbed the railing of a balcony, on the 13th floor. I thought, saved!

So I wanted to climb up after I had recovered my strength! Suddenly, someone grabbed my hand, and I fell down again! I thought, I'm really done now!

However, my life should not be decided, there is a tent under me to catch me, I am glad that I must have accumulated virtue in my previous life! I want to wait for the strength to go down. Unbeknownst to me, a refrigerator fell from above and smashed me to death!

The second ghost said....I was a clerk when I was alive. Everything is fine, I have a wife and it's beautiful. Great figure!

But it's just a bit dishonest. I have a slight heart condition. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work, so I went home to get it.

As soon as I entered the door, I saw my wife's hair disheveled and her clothes disheveled. There must be something tricky. So I searched all over the house, in the kitchen, in the toilet, but I couldn't find it.

When I got to the balcony, I noticed two hands on the railing, and I thought: where to run! So he took his hand.

I thought, 13th floor! Look at the fall that doesn't kill you! As a result, when I looked, I didn't die!

Caught in the tent! I was in a hurry, so I searched all over the house, went into the kitchen, and found that the refrigerator was big enough, so I threw it down. Finally stoned him to death!

I was so happy! Laughing out loud. Who knew that the heart muscle was so choked with laughter that he died laughing!

The third ghost said ......I was a thug when I was alive, but I didn't do anything bad! One day I went to a female friend's house and hung out! Just finished running errands, her husband suddenly came back!

I've got to find a place to hide. So I searched for the kitchen and the toilet, and finally found that their refrigerator was quite big, so I hid in the refrigerator! I don't understand how her husband knew I was in the refrigerator, and he actually threw the refrigerator down from the 13th floor!

I just fell to death with a refrigerator!

A foreigner came to China, and his Chinese was not good, so he wanted to learn from Chinese Chinese. When he arrived in Chengdu, he was playing in the park and saw a man and a woman arguing. Women scold men for being kings, men scolding women for three or eight, foreigners think:

Why do Chinese call men Wang Ba and women Sanba? Walking inside, he saw an uncle selling things on a motorcycle, shouting "sell cucumbers and catch them" He thought, motorcycles are called cucumbers in China? There is a hundred-year-old tree in the park, he thought while taking pictures:

What is the Chinese of the tree? Seeing a child next to him, he asked: Little pot friend, is Zhege swollen and sticky?

The child is an idiot, he stared at the roasted sweet potato in his hand and said: pumpkin In the afternoon, a motorcycle crossed in front of him, and the car hit the tree, he hurriedly called 110: Wang Ba Wang Ba, there is a Wang Ba, riding a cucumber, with a Sanba, hit a pumpkin.

1.The principal and the English teacher visited a middle school in France together, the principal spoke in the auditorium, and the English teacher acted as an interpreter.

Principal: "Teachers and students! ”

English Teacher: "Ladies and gentlemen!" ”

Headmaster: "Ladies and gentlemen! ”

English teacher - thought for a moment and said, "Good morning!" ”

Headmaster: "Good morning! ”

English Teacher: ......=="Khan.

These people who have time don't tell jokes, and they don't have time to tell jokes when they do.

It's a real joke from life:

It is said that one evening in the winter of 1973, our troops went to a seaside village in Liaoning Province for winter training and stayed at a villager's house.

As soon as they moved in, their comrades-in-arms carried forward the old traditions of the army: carrying firewood for the landlord, carrying water, and cleaning the courtyard. Qiguo, a fellow countryman who was a sergeant in the battalion headquarters at the time, grabbed the flat shoulder, picked up two empty buckets, and walked towards the well in the distance with small steps.

Looking back, it was just after a heavy snowfall, and the deep snow wiped the ground flat.

After a while, Qi Guo saw that the well was still a few feet away from him, so he quickened his pace.

Suddenly,"Boom"The sound of the ground was accompanied by a cry of "ah" from Qiguo, but he saw that only his head was above the horizon.

Oh no, that guy fell into the manure tank! "The landlord exclaimed. The comrades-in-arms and the landlord rushed away.

Everyone dragged him out of the manure tank with great effort. I saw that at this time, Qiguo's two hands were still holding on to the two buckets, and the two buckets of dung and water were dragged out with him.

At this time, the humorous battalion commander Wen Xun arrived and did not forget to tease: "Little guy, you are quite full of these two buckets!" Everyone laughed. The battalion commander's jeep drove Kikook to the beach ......

Thanks for reading. 1 My junior high school tablemate's father was our principal, and one day this guy skipped class to go out to play, and when he was leaving, he asked me to write a fake note for him, so I made up a random reason, saying that his grandfather had passed away and went home to see. As a result, the next morning, the head teacher went to his house with a wreath,2 and the mother gave her six-year-old son an arithmetic problem

You have six apples, Dad takes two, Mom takes four, and how many do you have left? ”

As a result, the son was very excited when he heard this: "Is this what people do??" ”

3 When I was a child, I had a cold, and my mother gave me a few pills before going to bed at night, and my father suddenly called me a few times in the middle of the night, and I asked what was wrong, and he said, "It's okay, your mother said that she got the wrong medicine for you, let me see if you are still there." "I:",4 The little nephew was dancing up and down while reading Sichamin's travels. My brother asked him, "Silly son, you are the Monkey King." The nephew came directly: "Exactly, your grandfather is here!" ”

I'm still crying.

A complete collection of funny and cold jokes, let's take a look at them below.

1.The classic funny girlfriend joke, my girlfriend kept tickling me, I kept hiding, and then she got angry and pouted: "See, subconsciously you still love yourself more!"

I... Girlfriend: "What's the difference between loving and being loved?"

Me: "What a difference! Love is dedication and giving, it is great to be loved, and to be loved is to look good.

2.Laughing and laughing every day, the supermarket was like weaving, and suddenly the radio sounded: "Which parent lost a 4-year-old boy wearing a yellow plaid shirt and blue jeans, please go to the service desk immediately to claim it."

I saw a tired woman next to her, and then said to the man next to him: "While someone is helping us take care of the children, let's go buy some food." ”

3.Bad jokes are marriageable and funny, and when I reached the marriageable age, I learned from my mother: Mom, am I looking for someone who likes me or someone I like?

Mom: Of course it's someone you like. I...

Why? Mom: Mom thinks no one will like you.

4.Coca-Cola and Pepsi are often drunk, and the taste is similar, ** is the same, I don't know what the difference is between them, so I took two bottles and asked my mother. Mom looked up and said: The difference, it's too simple, the red bottle drinks the blood supplement, and the blue bottle drinks the calcium.

5.When I went home today, I took my mother's hand and walked on the street, I touched the thick cocoon on her hand, and my heart was sad for a while, I asked: "Mom, where did the cocoon on your hand come from?" My mother: "Playing mahjong grinding...

6.My buddy asked me, "Why don't you get married in your thirties?"

Me: "I don't have the money to get married!" Dude patted me on the shoulder and said

Hello brothers, I can do a little bit! I was pleasantly surprised: "Really, how much money did you lend me?"

The buddy said seriously: "Talking about money hurts feelings!" I...

What does that mean mean power? Dude: "Help you send a 'Weibo' message to get married!"

Me: "Nima......”

7.When I went to the bank to withdraw money, the staff asked, "What kind of business do you do?"

I said, "I want to withdraw the money!" "Staff:

Is it more than 100,000? I said, "No."

Staff: "There are a lot of people doing business now, you can go to the ATM to get it." I was embarrassed to say after she said that

I can't withdraw money from the ATM, and I don't have enough money to withdraw ...... 100”

8.Every morning when I can't get out of bed, I ask myself, "Do you want to succeed?"

It worked so well that I didn't want to succeed anymore. Get up after sleeping for another minute, eat another meal, watch another episode and study, buy another one and stop, and give up after one more message. Thinking of this, I felt that I was very unproductive, so I decided to correct it after today.

Laughable jokes, high-energy and hilarious throughout the whole process, quasi-addictive to watch once!

I suggest you get your facial nerve checked, and if it's okay, then I suggest you go to a psychiatrist, it might be better.

In the morning, my husband lay in bed and wrapped himself in several layers of quilts. In a fit of rage, I tied him in the quilt with a belt and went to work. When I came back in the afternoon, I saw my husband maintaining the same style as in the morning, looking at me with a resentful look in his eyes.

He said: "It's not the key to be hungry for a day, it's not the key to die without air conditioning, how to go to the unit tomorrow to explain that you didn't go to work and don't pick up ** is not the key, the key is: I didn't hold my urine....”

Say to your buddies: Hey, I'll tell you a joke. And asked him to laugh first, and when he had laughed, he said to him: The joke is over.

One day, Xiao Ming and his classmates went to the bus station, and saw an uncle carrying a big bag, Xiao Ming was happy to help others, so he stepped forward and said to the uncle I will help you get it. The uncle was very surprised and asked what you were going to do. Xiao Ming said with a smile; "I'll help you with your luggage.

Uncle said no, I'm picking up rags!! Xiao Ming was speechless...

1. There is a penguin, his home is very far from the polar bear's house, if you rely on walking, you have to walk for 20 years to get there. One day, the penguin was very bored at home, and was about to go to play with the polar bear, and he went out, but when he was halfway to the road, he found that he forgot to lock the door, which has been gone for 10 years, but the door still had to be locked, so the penguin walked home again to lock the door. After locking the door, the penguin set off again to look for the polar bear, which means that it took him 40 years to reach the polar bear ...... their homeThen the penguin knocked on the door and said:

Polar bears, polar bears, penguins are here to play! "As a result, after the polar bear opened the door, guess what he said......"Let's go to your house and play

2. The little white rabbit jumped up to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred small breads?" "Boss:

Ah, I'm sorry, there weren't that many" like that... The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly. The next day, the little white rabbit jumped up to the bakery, "Boss, are there a hundred small breads?"

Boss: "I'm sorry, but I still don't."

That's it... The little white rabbit went away again dejectedly.

On the third day, the little white rabbit jumped up to the bakery, "Boss, are there a hundred small breads?" The boss said happily: "Yes, yes, today we have a hundred small loaves of bread!" The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" “