What jokes have you ever heard that made you laugh until you broke down?

I'm a person with a very low laugh point, and there are countless jokes that can make me laugh until I collapse, and here are a few jokes that make me laugh until I collapse.

One tourist said to his female guide, "Ma'am, you are so beautiful, I want to give you a gift, what do you like?" The female tour guide suddenly became greedy but didn't dare to express it too obviously, so she said in a slur manner

As he spoke, he took out a gift from his bag - a bar of soap.

Haha, isn't it still funny, uh......Forgive me for laughing too low, this joke has made me laugh for years, and every time I think about it, I can't help but share it with my friends, and there is another one that my classmates told me, and it seems to me to be very funny.

There is a husband and wife who own a hotel next to the station, which is open until 12 o'clock every day, and only closes after the last guest has drunk and takes the last train. One day, it was already one o'clock in the morning of the next day, and there was a male guest who still did not leave, and he fell asleep on the table, and the proprietress asked her husband to wake up the male guest, but his husband walked to the man's table and walked back, and after a while he walked out and walked back again, and so on and so forth, and walked back and forth several times, and the proprietress was impatient, so she asked, "You have gone out so many times to call that person, why haven't you woken up yet?"

No, don't let him go. The boss smiled proudly, "You see, every time I go to call him, he thinks I'm here to ask him to settle the bill, and then he takes out a ten-dollar one for me, and goes back to sleep, and now I have received several tickets, and it is still early before dawn!" ”

I don't know if these two jokes made you laugh until you broke down, anyway, I can't stand it, no, let me laugh again, haha.

Smile, ten years less. Sometimes the jokes I hear come from the people around me, with the surrounding environment, people and things will laugh incontinence, I don't know if you have such a situation, then I will tell you some funny things.

Once my boyfriend sent me a message, saying to buy you a pair of gloves, in the winter, I said no, no, Christmas Eve, I want to eat apples, save some money. Then on Christmas Eve, he gave me a bag of things, and I didn't open it yet, but when I looked at the bulging one, I said, didn't he say don't buy me gloves? It's a waste of money to buy it back.

I don't have any money! My boyfriend looked at me with a confused expression, and I got cheap and smiled obediently, but when I opened it, it was all apples. What about gloves?

Then he died laughing, leaving me embarrassed in the wind, and listening to his giggles. <>

Another time I saw it on the Internet, at that time I was eating at home, a family, and then I was eating while looking at my phone, the joke on the above said, once, a child and his father ate powder, his father was a little thirsty, but his powder soup was all gone, so he came to drink the child's, the child handed his father a pair of chopsticks, and then his father said, I am not hungry, I will drink some soup now. As a result, the child said, I know, I told you to block it with chopsticks, don't eat my powder. Then I couldn't laugh and told my family at the dinner table, and my mother was happier than me.

It is said that he also smiled and peed his pants for dinner that day.

A basket of jokes, as long as I have it, as long as you laugh. I usually like to pay attention to some funny WeChat***, and pay attention to some funny Weibo or something. There are also a lot of jokes about the game, lots and lots of them.

The environment I live in is more funny, so I've heard a lot of jokes, but a lot of them have forgotten, to talk about it now, the most impressive thing is a joke that my mother has laughed at for more than ten years, that's right, a joke, my mother has laughed for more than ten years, as long as I mention it, I can't stop laughing...

The joke goes like this.

On the first day of the Lunar New Year more than ten years ago, a friend of my father, my name is uncle, and a dog in his family always has diarrhea, the kind that flies down to 3,000 feet...

Don't imagine, it's a bit disgusting...

Then, this uncle found a veterinarian friend of his, who would dress more appropriately for the New Year, and this veterinarian was wearing a brand new suit, and his hair was meticulously combed and very neat.

When the doctor saw it, it was said that the dog had eaten something bad, and it was gone after one injection, so it was not a big deal.

Before the veterinarian injected the dog, the uncle also told him whether to do anything to prevent one party, because the dog was really caught off guard, and then, what about the veterinarian, said "No, what a big deal, I have experience", and then squatted behind the dog, grabbed the dog with one hand, held the needle in the other, and pierced it like that, and then, the dog was caught off guard. . . Imagine for yourself what the veterinarian is glued to.

Then my dad came home and told my mom that the veterinarian was dressed so well and so magnificently for the New Year, but he was given such a trick and it was all ruined. . . .

There's also a joke about one of my college roommates.

One day a few of us went out to eat Malatang, I didn't eat this, that didn't eat, and then, our roommate told me that I can't be picky eaters, why didn't my parents treat my picky eaters since I was a child, she said, "I was also a picky eater when I was young, I didn't eat bitter melon, but my dad forced me to eat, and I was in a hurry", speaking of which, several of us were waiting for her to take over and say, "I lifted the whole pot", but! She said, "I ate the whole pot, and from then on, I began to eat bitter melon".

Hahahahaha.

Anyway, it's the first time I've met someone with such a fresh routine.

Do you know what the best day in the world is?

I remember reading a news story about the funniest joke voted by the British people. The joke goes like this:

One night, Holmes and Watson were camping outside. In the middle of the night, Holmes woke Watson next to him. Say to Watson, 'Watson, what do you see?' Watson said, 'I see the stars,' Sherlock Holmes says, 'What do you think of when you see the stars?' Watson says, 'When you see the stars, I think of the insignificance of human beings,' and Sherlock Holmes says, 'Fool, our tent has been stolen'

I felt cold when I saw this joke. Maybe it's that we don't have the same joke as the British. But I also think it's funny or not.

In fact, it is the same as Wen Wu first, Wu Wu Wu second. The benevolent see the benevolent, and the wise see the wise. I believe we have all experienced the time when we were inexplicably poked at the point of laughter and couldn't stop laughing.

And look back at this joke. Actually, it's nothing, maybe it caused some association at the time.

I remember one time when I was a child, a classmate said that his head had been injured, so he had four spins. There is a saying in our local area, one spinner is stunned, two spinners are horizontal, three spinners don't want to die when they fight, and four spinners don't and don't open their feet. I guess there may be no four spinners in reality.

That's why I used a more ridiculous way to describe the four spinning people. In fact, when he said it, he was quite serious. But it occurred to me that the four spinners don't use paper stalks to go to the toilet.

So I couldn't stop laughing. He was inexplicable.

Another time, I told a joke to a classmate. It is said that the farmer has always been indistinguishable from him two horses. So my friend said, you can cut a horse's tail shorter.

So he did so, but soon the horse's tail grew. My friend has an idea, you measure the height of two horses. Whoever is high and who is low can be clearly distinguished.

Later, the farmer was glad to tell his friend that the black horse was taller than the white horse. Speaking of which, the joke ends. The classmate smiled politely.

I guess it's a joke that's not funny. And that was the thing in the past. I don't know how long it took.

Suddenly, I found that my classmates were laughing over there. I ask you what's wrong. She said, "That farmer is so stupid, how can he not tell the difference between a black horse and a white horse."

It turned out that she had just reacted to the joke. In view of her performance, I told her another joke, and the four of them went to sea in a small boat. But in the face of wind and waves, you need to lose two people.

So everyone decided to tell jokes, and as long as everyone laughed, the person could stay. Monk Sha told a joke first, and everyone laughed. Zhu Bajie didn't laugh.

So Monk Sha was thrown into the sea. At this time, Sun Wukong was about to start telling jokes, but before Sun Wukong could speak, Zhu Bajie couldn't stop laughing. Everyone asked what was going on.

Zhu Bajie said, 'The joke that Senior Brother Sha told just now is so funny', and after listening to it, she seemed to understand something. Just said, 'You say I'm Zhu Bajie?' ’

Pigs with long reflection arcs. Pigs, often used by us to describe some stupid people, or slow people who react half a beat, in fact, this joke also captures this point, the joke is about a group of animals, crossing the river in a boat, because there are too many animals, so some animals have to be sacrificed, so someone proposes to tell a joke for each animal, if all the other animals on the boat laugh, then you can continue to stay in the boat, if there is only one who does not laugh, you have to push him down, at first it was the cow, he told it very funny, almost all the animals laughed, only the pig didn't laugh, there was no way, but he still pushed him down; Later, it was the goat's turn to speak, and what he said was not very funny, there were almost no animals laughing, only the pig was laughing next to him, and everyone was puzzled, so they asked the pig why he was laughing, and the pig laughed and said, haha, the joke told by the cow is so funny. This joke is a relatively ingenious idea, so it is very ingenious, and it also provokes deep thought when making everyone laugh.

I was bored and set up a desktop with a broken screen on my phone, and used it to joke with my friends, just as my friend wanted to borrow my mobile phone, when I handed it to him, I deliberately dropped it lightly on the table, and he was dumbfounded when he picked it up! I laughed, took my phone and replaced the desktop, and then found that the screen was still cracked.

The swallow built a nest at home, when the daughter was three years old, one day she poked the bird's nest with a bamboo pole, and I said don't poke it, the swallow is a beneficial insect. The daughter asked, "Dad, what are the two insects?"

"Daddy's eggs have wrinkles. The teacher's comment is to add the word face before the word egg. ”

There was a child who was born and called people, he first called "grandpa", and his grandfather died with an "ah", and then he called grandma, and his grandmother also died with an "ah", and then called dad, and only heard the sound of "ah" that his uncle died.

Before he died, the cup said to the window: "A broken me, how can I help a broken you".

What type of line, 1+1 line.

1.The advertisements posted by the car sales company were torn and mutilated, and only the words "car price has been greatly reduced" and "Xiali 2000 Century Plaza" remained. Passing by in front of the company, Abel was surprised and delighted when he saw this advertisement, strode home, and said to his son out of breath

Your luck is really good, fortunately I didn't buy a car last month, and now the price of the car has been reduced, Xiali only needs 2,000 yuan a car, and the place to buy a car is ...... in Century Plaza”

2.Panic and choose a car.

A drunk man was speeding and the patrol stopped him and was about to question him. Suddenly, a truck overturned next to it, the police quickly turned around to deal with the accident, and the drunk took the opportunity to jump in the car and run away.

The next day, the patrol came to the door again. The drunk man thought that he was here to demand the payment of the fine, but he did not expect the police to open his mouth and say, "Sir, please return the police car to us, your car is already parked at the door." ”

3.Drink car. On a day off, Ah B drove to visit his father, who lived in the countryside. When he returned, he found that there was too little water in the tank, so he asked his mother, "Can you add some water to my car?" ”

Mother heard. While lifting the bucket of water that fed the donkey, he said to himself: "This donkey wants to drink water every day, why should the four-wheeled 'iron guy' drink it too......

4.One day a drunk man was standing on the street shouting that he wanted to take a taxi home, when a 110 patrol car happened to come by, so the police took him to the car. The drunk got into the car and shouted, "I know ten dollars a kilometer, why do you want to write so big?" ”

5.Escape from Kelezi

A young woman has just learned to drive a car. One day, she carefully drove her car to the company. On the way, she suddenly saw a worker working on a telephone pole.

Even if I don't have a lot of driving skills, you don't have to hide so high! ”

She shouted angrily at the worker.

6.A woman walked past the parking lot when she saw a driverless car coming towards her. She ran towards the car as fast as she could, pulled the door, jumped into the car, and hurriedly pulled the brakes, and the car finally stopped.

When she got out of the car, a man in mechanic's overalls was squeezed out of the rapidly closing crowd and walked towards her.

I stopped the car! She smug.

I know that," said the mechanic dissatisfied, "but I'm pushing the car!" ”