How to resolve the silence in counseling, how to resolve it

Sometimes, the cold is deliberately created by one of the parties chatting to it, on purpose, rather than having nothing to say. For example, if he asks a very challenging and bad question, the other party can't, so he can only adopt a silent approach; Or he doesn't want to reveal key information, so he consciously keeps silent, creating an awkward atmosphere, hoping that you will retreat and stop asking.

How to deal with this cold situation that can happen at any time?

Dealing with cold spots. Cowlivan, a Los Angeles-based sports quiz host, is known for his quirky questions and skillful interview style. Once, while hosting a show, he asked a question to a guest on the spot.

The guest is an expert on American soccer and an advisor to a local soccer club.

Cowlivan asked, "Sir, since you are a football expert, you must know football very well, don't you?" ”

The expert was confident and replied, "That's true." ”

"Okay, then, you must be very clear about the question: how many holes are there in the net of the football goal?" ”

Facing difficulties. As soon as the expert heard it, he knew that it was not good, and the host was clearly "embarrassing" himself. If he is inappropriate or refuses, the show will cause a cold scene, and the atmosphere must be very embarrassing.

If it were another guest, he would definitely be silent, but he was calm and didn't want to do that. So, he said unhurriedly: "Being able to ask such a question shows that you are also a master."

Everyone likes to listen to good words, especially good things that are overrated. So, Cowlivan happily: "Of course. ”

The expert continued: "So, you must know who Pausenias is?" ”

"You know, he was an eloquent philosopher in ancient Greece. ”

Eloquent. "You've got to be absolutely right," the expert says.

Since you know him this way, you must know one thing about him. The chief consul of Athens heard that Pausenias was very eloquent and wanted to test him in public, so he invited him to attend the council of nobles. The Chief Archon asked each noble councillor to ask a difficult question, and then asked him to solve all the problems in one sentence.

One by one, the noble councillors asked dozens of difficult questions, and Pausenias solved them all in a simple sentence. Do you know what he was saying? ”

Collivan said with a smile: "It's very simple, there are so many difficult problems, he can only I don't know." ”

If you want to resolve the silence in counselling, then you can go through professional topics. Since silence means that the other party doesn't want to talk about this topic, you can first wait for him to be in a better mood through professional topics before talking about this kind of topic.

First of all, you should start by speaking, and then train your eloquence, and start to get used to it slowly.

Silence can be broadly divided into 5 different types.

First, impedance silence.

There are small secrets or major events in the visitor's heart that are difficult to say. When asked or discussed by the counsellor about a relevant "sensitive, critical" topic, there may be hesitation, confusion, behavioral rejection (which is also a momentary, natural defense), and a normal response, and the client refuses or at least temporarily rejects with "silence", which we can call "resistive" silence.

Second, the client's attack on the counselor.

The client has an inner opinion and anger towards the counselor, but is unable to express it directly. For example, an involuntary adolescent client (who may have been asked to come to counseling by a parent or school, in a somewhat forced nature) is naturally angry in his heart, not only at his guardian, but also at the counselor.

The client uses "silence" as an attack on the counselor. This type of attack is sometimes more unbearable than destructive language, and can make the overall atmosphere in the counseling room very low and even a little "weird".

Thirdly, the visitor suddenly does not know what to say for no reason.

Sometimes, the "silence" comes very suddenly, which is surprising, and at a certain moment, the client's brain goes blank and does not know what to say, one second there are important feelings and thoughts to express, and the next second they actually forget. Of course, sometimes "silence" will also appear after a period of psychological counseling (especially long-term counseling), and the client seems to have said all the things that should be said, and there is nothing to say for a while, and there will be some "awkward conversation", and there will be a moment of silence and pause. Both the counsellor and the client look at the other person's reaction and think about what they should do next.

Fourth, the counselor is angry with the client.

This may be related to previous anger or other negative emotions. I feel like, "Why am I talking when you're not talking?" "Why don't you just go on and see what happens?

It seems that there will be a voice in the shadows, "Whoever speaks first loses". Sometimes, as it often appears in the family (or marriage), there is a special kind of "silence" in which neither the husband nor the wife is willing to say it first, and the whole situation freezes in place.

Fifth, contemplative, evocative silence.

This is a special kind of "silence". When the counselor and the client discuss a certain topic**, they fall into a moment of silence, as if the client is reflecting on the content of the conversation, and the counselor has no intention of interrupting this "silence" at this time, and appropriately gives some time to stay there; Starting a conversation too quickly can mean distraction. This kind of thoughtful, evocative silence is meaningful and valuable, a moment of awareness for the visitor, a moment for growth, and a moment for opening up the possibility of future change.

Silence technique refers to the fact that during the counseling process, the client is silent because the person is unable to continue what is being said, and the counselor allows the client to be silent because he knows that some important information is working in the client's mind, so that the conversation is temporarily paused, and after the client is silent, asks about what happened when the client is silent. In the moment of silence, although the external interaction between the counselor and the client is temporarily stopped, on the psychological level, the counseling is not interrupted, but only in silence. In moments of silence, the counsellor is not "inactive", but carefully observes the changes in the client's nonverbal behavior and waits for the client to confess.

In the process of group psychological counseling, the counselor or student will also be silent, and allowing the counselor or the student to be silent in a timely and appropriate manner is also an important technique in psychological counseling, which can bring unexpected effects to the counseling activities. However, in the practice of tutoring activities, some tutors are not accustomed to silence, especially when the content of the students' narration does not meet their psychological expectations, teachers often can't help but throw out their own subjective thoughts. The same is true for students, when their classmates talk something different from their own, they are often in a hurry to refute it, and even rush to speak before the person has finished speaking.

In the lesson "Here Comes Homework", I (the tutor) used the technique of silence moderately, and some of the teachers who observed the class could not understand my silence and raised questions. I used the silent technique in this counseling activity class, not to "let things go" to the students' conversations in class, but to actively listen, which played an extremely important role in my counseling. First, it expresses my respect and acceptance for students' words and deeds; Second, I use this to encourage students to boldly speak up and express their true feelings and thoughts in their hearts. Third, I provide students with sufficient time and space to reflect on themselves and think about their growth.

Next, combined with the silence of teachers and students during the "homework is coming" activity in the psychodrama counseling class, the role of silence technology in the psychological counseling activity class was specifically discussed.

So in fact, in life, between people, it is best to have a more understanding of these, especially between managers and the managed, and the two may get along very well.