Funny jokes, funny humorous jokes

TeaseThe jokes of people are as follows:

1. A fat woman asked: "Boss, how much does it cost to weigh weight?" The boss looked her up and down and said:

It could be $2 or $600. The fat woman asked, "Why?"

The boss said: "Weigh 2 yuan once, if the scale is crushed, it is 600 yuan." ”

2. It was snowing, and I was still very cold when I wore a pair of cotton boots, so I complained to my mother. Me: Mom, my feet are so cold......, and then my mother looked at my feet and said a very classic sentence: This is still cold feet, I guess you can only wear Hot Wheels.

3. Wife: "Husband, the difference between the two of us is 16 generations. "Husband:

How to say? ”？Wife:

You have accumulated eight lifetimes of virtue to marry me. Husband: "That's only eight generations", the wife paused for a while and said

I poured eight lifetimes of mold to marry you! ”

4. The father teaches his son arithmetic: "What is one plus one?" "Son:

I don't know. Father: "It's two, stupid!"

Got it? Son: "Got it."

Father: "So, how many people are you and I combined?" "Son:

It's two stupid guys! ”

5. The mother said to her daughter, "You have to be obedient." Every time you make your mother angry, she grows a gray hair. The daughter suddenly said, "Oh, no wonder grandma's hair is all white." ”

6. When I went home with my wife at night, suddenly three masked men jumped out on the side of the road, "You two can only walk one!" I said, "Wife, run!" Seeing that his wife ran away, the three of them took off their masks: God, is it so difficult to find you to play mahjong now?

7. After watching the black 100-meter race, an old lady wiped her tears and said: Scared to death! A few coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot, and they shot without aiming, and the babies were so scared that they ran, and the rope couldn't stop them!

8. A fly and its child were walking on a bald head, and after a while, it said thoughtfully, "Children, time flies so fast, when I was your age, this was just a small road." ”

9. One day, a sparrow said to a pigeon, "Do you dare to go and fight an eagle?" "Of course I dare" The pigeon flew away, and after a while the pigeon flew back, and not a single feather was gone.

Sparrow asked, "What's wrong?".The pigeon said:

The kid wasn't convinced, and I beat him up shirtless. ”

10. The little pig woke up from a nightmare and cried to his mother: "I dreamed that I would grow up to be a sailor, but I don't like to be a sailor." Mother Pig comforted him: "Don't be afraid of children, dreams are all reversed." Sure enough, the little pig later became ham.

1. I have a strong mother, I remember when I was a child, my mother took me on a bicycle, I got into the wheel of the caster, and my mother felt that she couldn't pedal, so she stood up and pedaled.

2. When you feel like you can't do it, you just walk on the zebra crossing, and you will immediately become a pedestrian.

3. Downstairs in the community, I scribbled on a Geely car with a marker, and was bumped into by the owner. Owner: "What are you painting?"Me: "It's nothing, just be lucky." ”

4. Wait for a hurry, right?I'll be there right away, five minutes at most!In case I don't arrive in five minutes, you can read the message again!

5. "Your x-rays show that your ribs are broken. "What then, doctor?""It's okay, I've already fixed it for you with the Meitu App." ”

6. In order to please the director, the driver who lives in the countryside brings green corn from his own house and gives it to the director. The director politely said, "This is not good, it makes you break the bank." The driver said, "It's nothing, in our place this corn is fed to pigs".

7. Only when there is a long queue at the train station can you truly realize that you are the "descendant of the dragon".

8. I found that I can coax girls to sleep, as soon as I send a message, the girl will say that I want to sleep.

9. My boss drove a new Lamborghini when he went to work. I was so envious that I exclaimed, "This car is so good!".The boss said, "Don't worry, if you work hard and put your heart and soul into it, in less than a year, I will have another one!".”

10. My advantage is: I know that I can change my mistakes. My downside is that I never felt like I was wrong.

11. Every time I don't want to study, I look in the mirror, and then tell myself that I must study hard when I look like this, otherwise others will say that that person has nothing but beauty.

12. Xiao Ming in primary school textbooks is always stumped by all kinds of strange questions, but Xiao Ming never appears in middle school textbooks, and I know that fool can't get into high school!