How the people pleasing personality changes, and how the people pleasing personality should change

1. Accept your imperfections.

We often don't know how to love ourselves, and let our emotions such as low self-esteem and depression torture our hearts, but in fact, everyone is perfect.

There are two sides to everything, the good self and the bad self, you are real, you don't need to mind your imperfections, face it squarely and accept it, you will look at yourself objectively and truthfully.

2. Establish a sense of boundaries and be brave enough to say no.

In traditional family education for Chinese, parents are overly involved in their children's lives, and when the child falls, the parent immediately rushes over to help him up, but does not know how to tell him to try to stand up.

It is difficult for a parent who does not have a sense of boundaries to educate children with a sense of boundaries. Many times we don't know what is our own business and what is someone else's.

And see other people's affairs as our own, so whether in interpersonal communication or intimate relationships, we should establish a sense of boundaries, and be able to bravely say no to others, it is not your business, or it is not something that you are capable of doing, and reasonably refuse.

Pleasing is a deep-rooted personality pattern, and change must be a gradual process.

1. Admit and understand that you are pleasing yourselfRealizing that you are in pleasing mode is the first step to stopping pleasing. Try to list when and how you have ingratiated yourself with others. When a pleasing girl knows that the reason why she is afraid to express negative emotions and ask for compensation when her boyfriend fails to make an appointment is because she is afraid of being evaluated by the outside world and her boyfriend as ignorant, then she may start to think about "the reasonableness of expressing negative emotions and asking for compensation after being disappointed", and then consider how to express negative emotions as reasonably as possible.

2. Pay attention to yourselfSet boundaries Try to be aware of your own needs, not what others want you to be. Try to ask yourself, "What exactly do I want?"

Am I really willing to do it? "When you say no, don't think too much about it, just say you don't want or don't like it. It's not selfish to have the notion that your own feelings are more important than the needs and feelings of others.

Pleasing others and giving up your boundaries will not be liked and respected by others, so it's important to put your own feelings and needs first.

3. Accept this imperfect worldYou can't control what other people think, and at the same time, you are not obligated to fully agree with what other people say. You should understand that self-worth is not determined by the evaluation of others, but by one's own evaluation. Others are not obligated to like you, nor will they have too many ideas about what you do, and put less pressure on yourself.

4. Learn to self-affirmDon't care too much about what other people think, because you'll never be able to please everyone. Even if you get a lot of praise from others, but this is not the real you, learn to find and recognize your own value, you can truly realize that you are excellent, not the evaluation of others. The beginning of changing habits is always tough.

Because of the habit of being centered on other people's emotions, it is difficult to say no words. If you want to change, you must start from your own thinking patterns, remove moral kidnapping, and realize the importance of self.

If you can't do it yourself, you can also find a professional psychological counselor for assistance. Counselling will provide you with a secure, stable relationship. In this safe environment, the counsellor will not ask for you, let alone leave you.

Here you can explore the reasons behind your actions, break free from dependence on external appreciation and recognition, and realize that you are worthy of love as an individual.

You should care more about how you're doing than what others think of you! Instead of blindly loving others, it is better to be a true self.

Psychological counseling is the use of psychological theories and methods to help clients discover their own problems and their root causes, tap their own potential, change the original cognitive structure and behavior, and maintain mental health.

Finally, choosing a suitable psychological counselor is an important guarantee for the effectiveness of psychological counseling, so please choose carefully.

How to change the people-pleasing personality: Learn to focus on yourself.

Only by understanding more about one's inner needs can one ignore the eyes of others, and only by clarifying one's own goal in life can one work hard without distraction. Believe that when you run, you won't hear the gossip of the people around you, and you can get to where you want to go sooner, and then you will understand how beautiful it is to love yourself.

I think that if we care too much about what others think of us, we praise you because you are not strong enough, so what we can do is to try to keep ourselves busy, so busy that we don't have time to think about what others think of us, so busy that all those unhappy things have passed in a blink of an eye.

If you still don't know what to do, then I'll give you some specific advice, go to study, go to the certification, to improve your education, to get fit and have a good figure, to learn a musical instrument, in short, to keep yourself busy, you must be able to.

Refine your own approach

When the ability is insufficient, we are prone to low self-esteem and doubt ourselves, so if we want to change this state, the only way is to bury our heads in hard work, delve deeper into what is not possible, don't think about the result, and don't care about the past, time will give you the answer. Find your own thinking problems, solve them in a targeted manner, and slowly accumulate everything will be fine, and I believe you will be able to.

People who enter the workplace society are already adults, don't treat yourself as an immature child, leaders and colleagues will not be used to you and spoil you like your family and love object, we must have the responsibility and courage that adults should have to deal with the ability to deal with the work at hand.

How to change the people-pleasing personality approach.

For many people-pleasing personalities, it seems that the popularity is very good, but in fact, they are tortured behind their backs, others just take a fancy to their own weakness and use value, for the people-pleasing people, we must wake up, learn to love ourselves, protect ourselves, so that we can have a happy life.

When you push too hard, you will inevitably expect that these efforts will be rewarded in the future. At this point, your giving becomes a token that tries to exchange emotions. Even if you say it's okay, the motives behind you will often be seen through by the other party.

And once the other party sees through it and finds out that you just want to exchange it for something, he may despise you, or he may take advantage of you.

Humanistic psychology research believes that people are born with a tendency to self-development, self-redemption, and self-realization! We have the inner ability to stay away from discomfort and move towards mental health.

Our internal growth force also provides the best internal resources, and has a natural tendency to develop in a more complex and perfect direction. So we have to believe in ourselves and believe that we have this ability and nature!

The evaluation of the organism does not depend on external standards, nor does it rely on the rationality of the person at the level of consciousness, but on the satisfaction generated by the self-organism. When we remain open to our experiences, we find that our organism can be trusted.

Let's not be fearful of our true feelings, our real experiences. In fact, the experience will be very satisfying to practice self-management. Our organism feels and experiences, and when we are fully accepted, our personality will surely develop constructively!

The people-pleasing personality is not a personality, but a personality pattern. The people-pleasing personality is accustomed to suppressing its own needs and feelings, and is afraid of friction with others.

If you realize that you are a people-pleasing white potato personality, you will feel that you are in a low position in interpersonal relationships, like buns, and want to soft persimmons, but there is still the possibility of change.

1.Find out the root cause of your own people-pleasing personality. Most people-pleasing personalities are influenced by the family of origin, where the parents or one of them are overly aggressive, have a strong desire to control, have high expectations of their children, and give their children little praise.

It may also be related to the upbringing, and the little attention received during the upbringing. It is also related to our Chinese social and cultural background.

2.Self-improvement and good presentation. In fact, when Feng shouts to please you, you subconsciously have the expectation that others will give you the same return, so you will put a lot of energy into maintaining relationships.

There are many moments in life that are only yourself, and you should put back some of the energy you used to maintain relationships back to yourself, to learn some skills, to do something you really want to do, and you must be more attractive and impressive than you who blindly pleased others before.

3.Learn to say no. Others are not as vulnerable as you think, and since they have made a request, they should be prepared to be rejected, this is their homework. To tactfully refuse other people's unreasonable demands, and put your own feelings first.

Let's destroy the vitality together

The people-pleasing personality feels that his kindness will be rewarded, and the more he gives, the more tired he becomes.

Respect your heart, the most primitive feelings, this is particularly important, just the other party says you, you don't want to, you don't want to, you don't want to, don't be afraid, hey, I'm going to hide, I'm going to please you, if you really feel uncomfortable in your heart, that's uncomfortable, you can't go against your own heart, against your own heart, you will hold back the problem.