How to communicate with parents in the 90s Why is it a quarrel when you speak

The post-90s generation is now at the age of adolescence, which is more rebellious, and it is normal to quarrel with their families.

Some parents may be more old-fashioned and more likely to quarrel.

In fact, there is no such thing as not quarreling with your parents, the key is whether there is an estrangement after the quarrel, and whether you can reconcile quickly. Relatives are noisy, and sometimes it is difficult to control oneself when a temper comes up.

If you want to avoid arguing with your parents and feel like there's a fire, go out for a run. Or don't talk to your parents that much just yet. After this age, it will naturally be fine. Don't worry too much about it.

The post-90s accept more new things, the ideas are more novel and the older generation's views and customs are very contrary, some parents value the old customs (old-fashioned) and it is difficult to accept the views of the current people (some are very absurd), this is what the post-90s often say "I have a generation gap with you", but have you ever thought that everything your parents do for you is for your good, although you are not satisfied, and some can't even understand, but you can't deny that their practices are for you, for you to have a better future, The old idea is not useless, otherwise China would not have passed through for 5,000 years, and if it exists, it will have its philosophy and meaning of existence.

Talk to your parents, start by understanding their minds (because we are more receptive to new ideas, new ideas), you will learn a lot, think about it, you will feel that they have done a lot for you, and you will find that they have been thinking about you all the time. Slowly tell them your thoughts and ideas, slowly change their ideas within the range they can accept, and accept your opinions, because you already know them at this time, and there will not be too much conflict with their ideas.

Think about it, even if it is a generation gap, your parents are leaving today because of you, you have a good filial piety to your parents, after all, it is not easy to raise you so big, really.

First, let's look at this proposition from an educational perspective.

As Chinese, most of the education we received since childhood was class education. Respect the old and love the young, filial piety first. Including the education level of different generations, the post-70s and post-80s generations are the generation born in stick education. The post-90s generation is a generation born in a rapidly developing society.

This makes our family members have different cognitions and philosophies, and we all know that our parents can't understand us. In addition, the concept of wishing for a son to become a Chan is deep-rooted, and as children, we are not very willing to tell our parents about the part of our lives that makes a living.

Most of the parents of the post-70s and post-80s generations will not express love and feelings, resulting in their children not having a chain to accept this feeling, so they are pushed further away by their parents, so generally children will be alienated from their parents when they become adults, and they do not want their parents to interfere in their own affairs and choose not to share their daily life with their parents.

How to communicate with your parents in your life

Understand

If we want to be disgusted when we hear the teachings of our parents, we might as well listen to these words with an understanding attitude, because the starting point of parents is always for their children, even if they really say something wrong, they must speak calmly, instead of making a big noise.

Communication

Learn to chat with your parents and tell your parents about the interesting things you have encountered, so that they can get to know you better, and you can also talk to them more about their past affairs, so that the relationship will go further.

Ask

Learn to ask your parents for advice when they are in trouble, because they must know more than us, and you must praise your parents after asking for advice, so that they will be happier.

Love them and learn to show your love

Parents who love you and believe that they love you more than you love them! It's really hand-judged to love in your heart, except for them, no one will ever have unreserved and unrequited love for you, really gone!

Don't argue with them, don't be sarcastic, don't hurt, and don't fight

Whether what they say is right or not, let them say it, they are used to preaching, and they like to be heard, you just listen, and there is nothing to lose? In everybody's calm'Then try to say, "Daddy, I've listened carefully to what you said, and what you're saying is true, but I have other ideas, let's discuss it, okay?" I can emphasize that I am already an adult, I can make my own decisions, and I can take responsibility for my own actions and so on.

Heart to heart, open and honest with each other

When the pretending parents are emotional, stop the conversation, don't provoke them, wait for a few days when they are gone, buy a small gift, or go back and cook a meal for them, and then sit down and talk about ......You can talk to them about life, ask them "what are people living for", "what dreams did you have when you were young", "if you went back to 20 years ago, what would you like to do the most", "when do you feel the happiest", "what is the most regrettable thing", etc., and then you will find that you don't know your parents so well! At this time, you tell them what your dreams are, what you want to do, and how you can do them so that you don't regret them later.

Don't let them be too lonely

Go home more often to see them, in fact, what they need is not how much money or how good a life is, but the company of their children! Even if you don't speak, just look at the children, and parents will feel satisfied! At least one ** a week, talk about whatever you want, ask about the current situation, talk about your life, and let them rest assured!

Listen carefully

Listen and learn. Speaking is learning, and obedience is also art. When talking to parents, listen before you talk. Especially when accepting criticism, admit mistakes and say them tactfully. In listening, we can understand the mood, expectations and intentions of our parents.

Appreciating parents

Enhance family affection in appreciation. Our parents have been kind to us and deserve our praise. Praise our parents for their love for us, and they will feel sweet; Praise the courage of the parents, they are happier. It is necessary to learn to praise parents sincerely and appropriately, which is an effective way to enhance family affection.

You must learn to think from the perspective of your parents, and learn to understand your parents, so that you can easily solve the problem of quarrels and increase the relationship between yourself and your parents.

The reason for the quarrel is that each side has its own opinions, neither of them is willing to compromise, and both sides have big tempers. When communicating, you should control your temper, don't think that your own ideas are the most reasonable, you should consider the other party's ideas more, analyze the pros and cons, which is more conducive to solving things well.

I think we must learn to think from the perspective of our parents, and we must empathize with the problem, so that it is not easy to have conflicts.

Calm down and think about what the communication problem is, try to control your temper when communicating, and say it well, as long as you don't lose your temper, you will get twice the result with half the effort.

One is to respect parents. Specifically, when our parents are talking to us, we need to focus on understanding what they are saying and understanding what they mean. Many people get impatient and start playing with their phones when they get home and chat with their parents.

Our parents are very angry at our perfunctory attitude and will reprimand us. It can damage our relationship with our parents.

The second is to express ideas. When communicating with parents, explain things and express our feelings at the same time. For example, the most helpless thing for young people now is that they are urged to marry by their parents as soon as they get home, and if they are often urged, young people will be very irritable and angry.

Later, it is very likely that you will quarrel with your parents, which will affect the relationship with your parents.

Blame less. When speaking, we should pay attention to ways and means, try to start with "I", which can reduce the other party's disgust, and even psychological defense, for an example, to express your views and thoughts on this matter to your parents, and express that your parents are for your own good, but if we are always asked to do things that we don't want to do, it will only make us more lacking in communication and communication with each other.

The third is to be calm and pure, and humble in speech. Many young people are always self-centered when chatting with their parents, which can easily leave the impression of "self-righteousness" in their minds, you must know that your parents may have traveled more than you have eaten, and communicating in such a strong way will certainly not win their favor, and the consequence of this is that the spine companion has not yet touched the core topic, and the chat has ended in a quarrel. However, if you face it in a different way, with the attitude of "asking for advice", instead of deliberately challenging the authority of your parents, it is easier to get pertinent advice.

The fourth is to knock on the side, step by step. The reason why there is a huge "gap" between us and our parents is that the fundamental problem lies in the concept, the parents' concept is generally conservative, while the young people are more in pursuit of openness and freedom, so on many topics, each other will show two diametrically opposed attitudes. If you want to reverse this situation, you can try to communicate in a "side-by-side" way on the premise of ensuring benign interaction, parents are experienced people, and they will understand a lot of what you say.

Be aware of your parents' preferences, birthdays, taboos, etc., and they will know that you care about them. There is no unreasonable return to love in the world, even if it is a deep family affection, it must be lubricated from time to time. It was a gift from my mother when I was 10 years old, very naïve, but very sincere.

In the face of the fact that parents should be treated as equals, fathers and mothers give the same amount of love, but in different ways; You can't just remember your mother's birthday and forget your father's birthday because your mother often mentions her birthday.

In the face of parents, you should be coquettish appropriately, and let your parents know that you are still their child; But you can't be too your parents. You can't be unprincipled obedience to your parents, otherwise you are not your parents' child, but just a puppet.

Treat your own mistakes, you must have the courage to admit it, how can there be parents in the world who don't love their children? I will forgive you immediately, but I still have to support my face for a while; When dealing with the mistakes of parents, we must not be stubborn, but we must grasp this degree in moderation.

If you quarrel with your parents, please calm down first, don't regret what you said to hurt your parents' hearts, and you are embarrassed, so you just put it off again and again, and finally you don't have a chance to say sorry; Parents are actually very bitter, and when their children are sensible, they have no time to be filial ......

There are a lot of things that can't be done with your parents, and you quarrel when you talk about it, so you can talk less and listen more, avoid head-on conflicts, and improve the right relationship.

There will be a lot of undercurrents in the family, and there will be competition for power between family members, and the hierarchy in the family naturally gives parents higher power. As children grow older, especially after puberty, the child's independent thinking becomes stronger and it is difficult to communicate with their parents, so the conflict between the two generations will become stronger and stronger.

At this time, listening is much more important than speaking, what we need to listen to is not only the literal content, but more importantly, the emotions and expectations conveyed in the language. So, listening is a university question.

Why does it sound like just saying something very ordinary, but it has the best meaning, this is because these words are based on deep listening, plus intervention based on theoretical assumptions, if there is no listening and feeling as the basis, it is difficult for the relationship between children and parents to be effectively improved.

When chatting, you should pay attention to your attitude, talk to your parents calmly, control your emotions, and listen to your parents' opinions.

When you feel like you're about to quarrel, go out and breathe and calm down

Pay attention to the way you speak, if you are too excited when you speak, and communicate more with your parents.

When you're about to get into a fight, keep your temper in check and think that you're here to solve the problem and not to fight. This reduces the number of fights.

When you feel like you're about to quarrel, suppress your temper and wait until everyone's attitude is more relaxed before talking.

Take your time, the generation gap is normal, but try to communicate as much as possible.

Empathy. Don't talk back to your parents at every turn, think more from your parents' point of view.

You can communicate well with your parents, and both parties should be calm, and don't smell of gunpowder so much as a day.

You can choose to take a step back, and many times the reason is not clear.

You should pay attention to your attitude towards your parents, and don't always contradict your parents.

Listen quietly, even if you really can't listen, don't talk back, after all, they say you because they love you.